Mother Daughter Poem
I remember the good times,
that we once had...
but still my life,
is oh...so sad
I try to look forward,
but my mind goes back...
because a piece of the glass,
on our portrait is cracked
I try so hard to protect the glass,
I won't let it shatter...
Because you and your love,
are all that matters
My family is all,
that means anything to me...
still...everything always
gets blamed on me
This happens to Moms,
all over the world...
we're supposed to be perfect,
we learn this as girls
I have never been great
or the "best of Moms"...
And, at times I've failed
by some things I've done wrong
For those things I am sorry,
I didn't want you angry...
but please remember,
my eyes are not dry
I hope you can find,
our love that seems lost...
for by my caring and trying to help too much,
came at a very high cost
A piece of my life,
is missing and gone...
And everything feels,
Oh...so wrong
But, there is one thing,
that I can do...
I will be strong,
just for you
One thing I feel,
down deep in my soul...
It's my love for you,
Despite my heart’s big hole
Even though a call or a text, either one you won’t do
I still and will always want the very best for Steve, Stevie and especially you.
I love you, Mess.
Mama
Sunday, August 4, 2013
More Funny Stuff
This checklist is here so that you know you're not alone. The bride that doesn't go through at least half of this stuff is the "weirdo". Print this list, tack it up in your room somewhere and see if you can be the "all time champ" and check off every single item. Whatever you don't see here, add it to your list, and don't forget to send it to us. Also keep it in a safe place to hand down to your daughter.
-He didn't get down on one knee.
-He just handed me the box without putting the ring on my finger.
-The damn ring didn't fit.
-He's given me the ring, but can't commit to a wedding day.
-I've got the ring and I hate it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I'll just grin and bare it, all the while I'm hoping to get mugged. "Oh, Honey, look he took my beautiful ring."
-Why don't we argue about: a traditional wedding, a victorian wedding, a modern wedding or why not throw our nationality into the mix.
-The two of us want a small wedding. Our parents want to invite every single person they've ever met.
-We go along with the bigger wedding. We're not happy about it, but get a grip who ever said it was our day anyway. Time to look for a quaint location. OH NO, "No child of mine is going to get married in a place like this. We're going to get you the best hall the city has to offer".
-Someone do me a favour, pull my mother-in-law to be out of my ass!
-We're both of a different faith. I don't care about this but both sets of parents want the ceremony in their own faith.
-I want to get married in a church but I don't attend regularly, so I keep getting turned down. I'm starting to get the "elope" feeling.
-The church is coming up with a list of rules and regulations a mile long. Can't do this, can't do that. That'll cost you extra.
-Then to top it all off we've got those wedding classes to attend.
-Look on the bright side, so far I haven't had anything to do.
-As it is right now our parents have managed to spend anywhere between $6,000 to $10,000.
-You still have to pay for a: florist, DJ, limo, invitations, hair, make-up, favours, photography, videography, decorations and wedding attire. Gifts for each other, your wedding party and your parents. Don't forget the little extras and our future. I know I'm really thinking about eloping now. Just chill, follow the Frugal Bride planners and checklists and they'll walk me through it nicey, nice.
-Get my nerves in check because here comes the shower I didn't want. So make sure I register, that way when I open my gifts I'll know that at least I like them.
-Ah! The dreaded seating plan. Many tears have been shed over this one.
-Where to seat divorced parents and feuding relatives.
-Then there's that uncle that breaks out into song after a couple of drinks. Geez, what will the in-laws think.
-My credit card is maxed and there's still so much to do.
-Someone in my bridal party went and got herself pregnant. The nerve of some people.
-It's 2 weeks before the wedding and my dress isn't ready yet. Oh! God when will this all end.
-I'm not putting one cent into that rehearsal dinner, that's his responsibility. "What do you mean you don't have any money left either. Well ask your parents for it, they're the ones who wanted the big fancy hall."
-Okay, that's it, someone definitely has to pull my mother-in-law to be out of my ass AGAIN! Gonna commit murder!!!!!!
-I didn't realize we needed a permit to take a couple of lousy pictures.
-"If that photographer tells me to tilt my head one more time, I'm gonna kill him."
-"Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
-I checked in with the reception site to confirm the final tally of guests and because I didn't read the small print, now they tell me that the price of our menu has gone up because of some hurricane in Florida six months ago.
Believe us, when we say, we could go on, but we want to leave something to your imagination.
-This one will get you the "Grand Prize". You wake up the morning of the wedding, walk over to the mirror and take a final look at the single you. You give yourself a little smile. You're so happy and proud of all the work you've put into this day. You're relieved to know that if you and your fiance can live through the wedding planning, you can live through anything. This is going to be THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. You stroll to the bathroom with your head held high and close the door. OH SHIT!!! I got my period!!!!!!!!!
Some Funny Stuff-'Signs Of A Psycho Bride' plus a enlightening website.
Signs of a psycho bride
1. You demand that bridesmaids perform fantastic tasks in the name of friendship, including but not limited to: plastic surgery, abortion, and/or quitting job to help full-time with wedding planning.
2. When bridesmaids refuse requests, you burst into tears and scream, "it's supposed to be my day"
3. You often go around bursting into tears and screaming "it's supposed to be my day!"
4. You are incapable of talking about anything except your own wedding, even at the most inappropriate times, such as funerals or wakes.
5. You have an unreasonable paranoia that everyone who cares about you is out to ruin your wedding day.
6. You have a reasonable paranoia that everyone who cares about you is out to ruin your wedding day.
7. Your obsession about weight leads you to ask everyone involved in the wedding, including your seventy year old grandmother, to lose five pounds.
8. Despite more than a millennium of wedding ceremonies, you believe that no one before you has ever planned and successfully executed a wedding and that you are the only person on the planet to make the weighty decision of hiring a caterer.
9. You don't care anything about the groom (groom? who's he? Who cares?) because you are caught up in this elaborate, self-indulgent orchestration of your own girlhood fantasies.
10. You forget (or never understood) that a wedding is supposed to be the celebration of a serious, long term commitment between two people, and not a stage for you to show your friends and enemies how fabulous you look in satin taffeta and a rhinestone tiara.
1. You demand that bridesmaids perform fantastic tasks in the name of friendship, including but not limited to: plastic surgery, abortion, and/or quitting job to help full-time with wedding planning.
2. When bridesmaids refuse requests, you burst into tears and scream, "it's supposed to be my day"
3. You often go around bursting into tears and screaming "it's supposed to be my day!"
4. You are incapable of talking about anything except your own wedding, even at the most inappropriate times, such as funerals or wakes.
5. You have an unreasonable paranoia that everyone who cares about you is out to ruin your wedding day.
6. You have a reasonable paranoia that everyone who cares about you is out to ruin your wedding day.
7. Your obsession about weight leads you to ask everyone involved in the wedding, including your seventy year old grandmother, to lose five pounds.
8. Despite more than a millennium of wedding ceremonies, you believe that no one before you has ever planned and successfully executed a wedding and that you are the only person on the planet to make the weighty decision of hiring a caterer.
9. You don't care anything about the groom (groom? who's he? Who cares?) because you are caught up in this elaborate, self-indulgent orchestration of your own girlhood fantasies.
10. You forget (or never understood) that a wedding is supposed to be the celebration of a serious, long term commitment between two people, and not a stage for you to show your friends and enemies how fabulous you look in satin taffeta and a rhinestone tiara.
http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2012/10/the-most-epic-bridezilla-ever.html
Still the same 'ol subject-Mother/Daughter at odds. This info, however, is for the Bride.
This is from a great website, http://www.stayhitched.com/mother.htm
Your Mother and You
The pre-wedding period is a sensitive time for your relationship with your mother. This time often brings closer contact than either of you may be accustomed to.
The increased contact generated by wedding planning and other pre-wedding activities is at odds with the normal developmental task of separation involved in marriage. Your primary family identification and affiliation is shifting from your family of origin to the new family that you and your partner are creating. This can be true even for people who have established a life that is very independent.
The prospect of change can bring up deep feelings for both you and your mother as it comes closer. Nothing could be more natural. How you each express and handle these feelings depends on your personal qualities.
Sometimes problems can result when a mother seeks, consciously or unconsciously, to hang on to the child she is losing--you. Likewise, you may be overly-sensitive to "intrusive" acts by your mother because you may be feeling a little inexperienced in your new role. You'll both be feeling a bit excited and stressed by the change and by the demands of planning a wedding.
Consider talking with your mother about your expectations for the pre-wedding period, the wedding itself and your marriage. Tell her what you want, and ask her about her expectations and wishes. What does she want out of the wedding?
Some mothers have wishes for themselves, but they are afraid to intrude with their desires. They can still get upset if they their expectations aren't met.
Other mothers can be a bit too forthcoming with their own viewpoint. They may assume that you need their advice or that your wishes will be congruent without checking it out with you. You may need to gently, but firmly, set limits with your mother. It's your wedding and your life. Be as firm as you need to be. Talk to your mother about what you really feel and want.
You may hear some of your mother's reservations about your partner. These may be hard for you to listen to. Realize that these are normal. No one could ever be perfect enough to marry her baby. She can't help worrying about your future. Make sure that she knows that you hear her concerns and appreciate her point of view. This doesn't mean that you have to change your viewpoint. Other families become so enthralled with the prospective new member of the family (your partner) that you feel neglected.
Make some special time to spend with your mother, especially time that has nothing to do with wedding planning. Protect some of your time together by making a rule not to talk about the wedding. Take in a movie, go shopping together, spend a few hours at a spa.
This is really the beginning of a process where you will eventually change places. In the long run, you will become increasingly capable and competent, while your mother's may become less strong over time. This is a critical time to your relationship with new patterns and definitions being set that will influence your lives for a long time to come, so devote just a little of your time and energy to it.
Your Mother and You
The pre-wedding period is a sensitive time for your relationship with your mother. This time often brings closer contact than either of you may be accustomed to.
The increased contact generated by wedding planning and other pre-wedding activities is at odds with the normal developmental task of separation involved in marriage. Your primary family identification and affiliation is shifting from your family of origin to the new family that you and your partner are creating. This can be true even for people who have established a life that is very independent.
The prospect of change can bring up deep feelings for both you and your mother as it comes closer. Nothing could be more natural. How you each express and handle these feelings depends on your personal qualities.
Sometimes problems can result when a mother seeks, consciously or unconsciously, to hang on to the child she is losing--you. Likewise, you may be overly-sensitive to "intrusive" acts by your mother because you may be feeling a little inexperienced in your new role. You'll both be feeling a bit excited and stressed by the change and by the demands of planning a wedding.
Consider talking with your mother about your expectations for the pre-wedding period, the wedding itself and your marriage. Tell her what you want, and ask her about her expectations and wishes. What does she want out of the wedding?
Some mothers have wishes for themselves, but they are afraid to intrude with their desires. They can still get upset if they their expectations aren't met.
Other mothers can be a bit too forthcoming with their own viewpoint. They may assume that you need their advice or that your wishes will be congruent without checking it out with you. You may need to gently, but firmly, set limits with your mother. It's your wedding and your life. Be as firm as you need to be. Talk to your mother about what you really feel and want.
You may hear some of your mother's reservations about your partner. These may be hard for you to listen to. Realize that these are normal. No one could ever be perfect enough to marry her baby. She can't help worrying about your future. Make sure that she knows that you hear her concerns and appreciate her point of view. This doesn't mean that you have to change your viewpoint. Other families become so enthralled with the prospective new member of the family (your partner) that you feel neglected.
Make some special time to spend with your mother, especially time that has nothing to do with wedding planning. Protect some of your time together by making a rule not to talk about the wedding. Take in a movie, go shopping together, spend a few hours at a spa.
This is really the beginning of a process where you will eventually change places. In the long run, you will become increasingly capable and competent, while your mother's may become less strong over time. This is a critical time to your relationship with new patterns and definitions being set that will influence your lives for a long time to come, so devote just a little of your time and energy to it.
Bride/Mother Dynamics, or She Cut Me Out Of The Wedding Planning
A little background:
At first she would tell me "Mom, I'm NOT stupid, I already know!! and I'm thinking that I'm NOT clairvoyant, so how did I know?
She THEN tells me to email Patty (our wedding planner and a WONDERFUL planner, must tell you more about her) and cc: her if I have any questions.
Soooo...
I did so, about Special Event Insurance.
The SHIT hit the FAN when I innocently told my daughter I was trying to find out a little about insurance. (I was going to pay for it). She went OFF on me and told me that that was what the $500 security fee was for the venue. I tried to explain about medical and if someone was hurt or some of OUR stuff was ripped off, and she got even MORE upset.
She kept saying, "Don't do anything unless I want you to!" and I said ok, but she kept on raising her voice. I asked her, why couldn't she act like an adult and be gracious and just say, "Thanks for the input mom". ?
So she kept on belaboring the point, so I hung up on her.
She tried calling me back 2x, then left this message on my voicemail:
"You want to talk about being and adult and then you hang up on me, that's real adult like. Anyways, do not talk to Patty anymore unless it's on a personal level between you and her, you're no more part of my wedding except for showing up if you want to. This is bullshit, I can't have you freaking trying to run my wedding for me, ok? Just stop talking to Patty about my wedding, if you want to be friends with her, whatever, but DO NOT talk about my wedding".
OK, my thoughts...
Regarding the links in the previous post: I wish I'd read the other links BEFORE being what I THOUGHT WAS 'helpful and caring'. I didn't LISTEN when she told me not to help unless she asked for it, but went on my way researching EVERYTHING anally, smugly believing that when I came up with the answer quickly or headed off an issue, everybody would love me (especially HER!) and think I was wonderful.
Instead, I've now been kicked out of the wedding planning, ordered NOT to talk or communicate with the wedding planner about the wedding, and told this morning with a pointed voice mail that said, "You are no more in the wedding except to show up if you want to".
Pretty harsh words, and it's because I didn't LISTEN to her the first-or second-or third times she told me to NOT HELP HER.
But oh gee, golly, damn, those last four words, "...if you want to."...
"The problem is the relationship. The things the bride is arguing about are just symbols of something bigger between you. Your daughter is getting married and it sounds like both of you are holding something back so [your love] is not unconditional." This is true…my love is not unconditional because I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face and to try to hurt her by only coming to the wedding AND NOTHING ELSE, at no other time UNTIL the wedding. IF I feel like even going. What I feel like doing right now is a) just driving all night and just barely getting there to the wedding (which means that since she said 'show up at the wedding-if you want to', I'd take her literally and show up ONLY at the wedding and NOT the rehearsal!) b) sitting in the back (IF I even GO!) c) cutting off ALL help, funds and advice to her, even when she asks me, d) not calling, taken her calls or even TRYING to make up, even at the expense of seeing my grandson, and by the way, is my pride REALLY worth that? Right now, YES…maybe gimme a week or a month. She’ll miss me and I’ll miss her. But right now she better not ask me to do anything. I paid off the wedding planner and that’s all I promised I’d do.
In the heat of hurt, I was thinking of not going to the wedding at all, and thereby missing her at the alter, missing their kiss, missing the toasts, missing the cake cutting...plus she'd probably never forgive me for decades. She also wouldn't forgive me because her dad (my hubs) said, "If your mother doesn't go, I don't go.". She got a kinda big-eyed almost surprised look on her face.
Advice for Mothers
You don't have to accept every problem as yours, but don't hold grudges that years later will turn into holding onto your anger. You've taught your daughter how to treat you. If you are feeling unappreciated, tell your daughter how you want your relationship to change.
Be clear in your intentions. Saying "Don't call me" and then being upset because she doesn't call sends a mixed message.
Advice for Daughters
Your mother wants to feel loved and appreciated for making you the wonderful adult you are. She wants you to call and sincerely say, "Momma, I miss you," or "How are you?"
Realize it's difficult for some mothers to stop seeing their adult daughters as teenagers.
Be clear in your intentions; you want to be talked to as a full-grown woman. Continue this dialogue, which is very tender right now, woman to woman.
Which one of us can hold out the longest? I betcha I can. But do I want to…?
Seems like I want to see her unhappy as she has made me unhappy, even though I was warned and I went ahead and did research and stuff without her. But I still want to lash out, hurt her even if it means being more hurt myself. IF I go totally through with this virtual rhinoplasty* halfway, 1/3 of the way, all the way, at the end of the wedding day, IS IT WORTH IT? Will I look back on the last 9 months with pride and contempt, or loathing at myself and hating how I’ve lost 9 months with my daughter. So WHAT if she kicked me out of the wedding planning? It’s her wedding, it’s her choice, she’s perfectly within her rights to do so. Who am I to get so butt-hurt (even though I am, BIG TIME) that she’s shutting me out of something she feels SHE needs to do with no help, 'thank you very much, I’m an adult and a quite capable one.'
*cutting off my nose to spite my face
At first she would tell me "Mom, I'm NOT stupid, I already know!! and I'm thinking that I'm NOT clairvoyant, so how did I know?
She THEN tells me to email Patty (our wedding planner and a WONDERFUL planner, must tell you more about her) and cc: her if I have any questions.
Soooo...
I did so, about Special Event Insurance.
The SHIT hit the FAN when I innocently told my daughter I was trying to find out a little about insurance. (I was going to pay for it). She went OFF on me and told me that that was what the $500 security fee was for the venue. I tried to explain about medical and if someone was hurt or some of OUR stuff was ripped off, and she got even MORE upset.
She kept saying, "Don't do anything unless I want you to!" and I said ok, but she kept on raising her voice. I asked her, why couldn't she act like an adult and be gracious and just say, "Thanks for the input mom". ?
So she kept on belaboring the point, so I hung up on her.
She tried calling me back 2x, then left this message on my voicemail:
"You want to talk about being and adult and then you hang up on me, that's real adult like. Anyways, do not talk to Patty anymore unless it's on a personal level between you and her, you're no more part of my wedding except for showing up if you want to. This is bullshit, I can't have you freaking trying to run my wedding for me, ok? Just stop talking to Patty about my wedding, if you want to be friends with her, whatever, but DO NOT talk about my wedding".
OK, my thoughts...
Regarding the links in the previous post: I wish I'd read the other links BEFORE being what I THOUGHT WAS 'helpful and caring'. I didn't LISTEN when she told me not to help unless she asked for it, but went on my way researching EVERYTHING anally, smugly believing that when I came up with the answer quickly or headed off an issue, everybody would love me (especially HER!) and think I was wonderful.
Instead, I've now been kicked out of the wedding planning, ordered NOT to talk or communicate with the wedding planner about the wedding, and told this morning with a pointed voice mail that said, "You are no more in the wedding except to show up if you want to".
Pretty harsh words, and it's because I didn't LISTEN to her the first-or second-or third times she told me to NOT HELP HER.
But oh gee, golly, damn, those last four words, "...if you want to."...
"The problem is the relationship. The things the bride is arguing about are just symbols of something bigger between you. Your daughter is getting married and it sounds like both of you are holding something back so [your love] is not unconditional." This is true…my love is not unconditional because I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face and to try to hurt her by only coming to the wedding AND NOTHING ELSE, at no other time UNTIL the wedding. IF I feel like even going. What I feel like doing right now is a) just driving all night and just barely getting there to the wedding (which means that since she said 'show up at the wedding-if you want to', I'd take her literally and show up ONLY at the wedding and NOT the rehearsal!) b) sitting in the back (IF I even GO!) c) cutting off ALL help, funds and advice to her, even when she asks me, d) not calling, taken her calls or even TRYING to make up, even at the expense of seeing my grandson, and by the way, is my pride REALLY worth that? Right now, YES…maybe gimme a week or a month. She’ll miss me and I’ll miss her. But right now she better not ask me to do anything. I paid off the wedding planner and that’s all I promised I’d do.
In the heat of hurt, I was thinking of not going to the wedding at all, and thereby missing her at the alter, missing their kiss, missing the toasts, missing the cake cutting...plus she'd probably never forgive me for decades. She also wouldn't forgive me because her dad (my hubs) said, "If your mother doesn't go, I don't go.". She got a kinda big-eyed almost surprised look on her face.
Advice for Mothers
You don't have to accept every problem as yours, but don't hold grudges that years later will turn into holding onto your anger. You've taught your daughter how to treat you. If you are feeling unappreciated, tell your daughter how you want your relationship to change.
Be clear in your intentions. Saying "Don't call me" and then being upset because she doesn't call sends a mixed message.
Advice for Daughters
Your mother wants to feel loved and appreciated for making you the wonderful adult you are. She wants you to call and sincerely say, "Momma, I miss you," or "How are you?"
Realize it's difficult for some mothers to stop seeing their adult daughters as teenagers.
Be clear in your intentions; you want to be talked to as a full-grown woman. Continue this dialogue, which is very tender right now, woman to woman.
Which one of us can hold out the longest? I betcha I can. But do I want to…?
Seems like I want to see her unhappy as she has made me unhappy, even though I was warned and I went ahead and did research and stuff without her. But I still want to lash out, hurt her even if it means being more hurt myself. IF I go totally through with this virtual rhinoplasty* halfway, 1/3 of the way, all the way, at the end of the wedding day, IS IT WORTH IT? Will I look back on the last 9 months with pride and contempt, or loathing at myself and hating how I’ve lost 9 months with my daughter. So WHAT if she kicked me out of the wedding planning? It’s her wedding, it’s her choice, she’s perfectly within her rights to do so. Who am I to get so butt-hurt (even though I am, BIG TIME) that she’s shutting me out of something she feels SHE needs to do with no help, 'thank you very much, I’m an adult and a quite capable one.'
*cutting off my nose to spite my face
Some links for mother/bride dynamics
http://www.albumboutique.com/blog/wedding-tips/shawns-suggestions-planners-observations-motherdaughter-wedding-dynamic-2/
http://www.netplaces.com/mother-of-the-bride/your-responsibilities/how-to-avoid-the-pushy-mob-label.htm
http://voices.yahoo.com/wedding-planning-avoiding-mother-daughter-conflict-239740.html
http://www.celebratewithstyle.com/site/survival-guide-tips-for-the-mother-of-bride
The above one kinda is touchy to me, because we were at their house the weekend of June 21st 2013 and she was planning on having her MOH (Maid of Honor) come out on the train and take her, the MOG (Mother of Groom), BM2, BM3 (who was later kicked out for not agreeing with my daughter on something, daughter demanded she apologize, BM3 said 'Ok, I'll apologize if you want' and daughter said no, I want a true apology. Wasn't happenin', didn't happen, BM3 kicked out. Anyway, she planned on dress shopping AFTER I left. Don't know if it was intentional or not, but it hurt...a little. She ended up with a FABULOUS dress and very good price (especially when I texted her and told her the sale was only until July 1st), and she bought it. She looked like a PRINCESS.
http://www.netplaces.com/mother-of-the-bride/your-responsibilities/above-and-beyond.htm
I just wish I had looked at these websites before I got involved.
Please note that I'm STILL involved, talking to Patty our wedding planner on a generic 'what if?' basis, like not SPECIFICALLY about the wedding, but writing and speaking generalizations, as if I was bemusing someone ELSE'S wedding...using lots of 'hypothetically's' and 'WHAT IF's'.
I feel sad and got teary-eyed at her voicemail on July 30 2013, but when I go online and research this type of thing, I feel a little better, until the NEXT day, when I notice she's 'unfriended' me from Facebook. I mean, I can still go on her fiance's site and see what's going on, but again, it hurts.
Just because she gets mad at what she says is my 'trying to run her wedding for her', does that necessitate HURTING me?
http://www.netplaces.com/mother-of-the-bride/your-responsibilities/how-to-avoid-the-pushy-mob-label.htm
http://voices.yahoo.com/wedding-planning-avoiding-mother-daughter-conflict-239740.html
http://www.celebratewithstyle.com/site/survival-guide-tips-for-the-mother-of-bride
The above one kinda is touchy to me, because we were at their house the weekend of June 21st 2013 and she was planning on having her MOH (Maid of Honor) come out on the train and take her, the MOG (Mother of Groom), BM2, BM3 (who was later kicked out for not agreeing with my daughter on something, daughter demanded she apologize, BM3 said 'Ok, I'll apologize if you want' and daughter said no, I want a true apology. Wasn't happenin', didn't happen, BM3 kicked out. Anyway, she planned on dress shopping AFTER I left. Don't know if it was intentional or not, but it hurt...a little. She ended up with a FABULOUS dress and very good price (especially when I texted her and told her the sale was only until July 1st), and she bought it. She looked like a PRINCESS.
http://www.netplaces.com/mother-of-the-bride/your-responsibilities/above-and-beyond.htm
I just wish I had looked at these websites before I got involved.
Please note that I'm STILL involved, talking to Patty our wedding planner on a generic 'what if?' basis, like not SPECIFICALLY about the wedding, but writing and speaking generalizations, as if I was bemusing someone ELSE'S wedding...using lots of 'hypothetically's' and 'WHAT IF's'.
I feel sad and got teary-eyed at her voicemail on July 30 2013, but when I go online and research this type of thing, I feel a little better, until the NEXT day, when I notice she's 'unfriended' me from Facebook. I mean, I can still go on her fiance's site and see what's going on, but again, it hurts.
Just because she gets mad at what she says is my 'trying to run her wedding for her', does that necessitate HURTING me?
Sunday, July 7, 2013
What Could Go Wrong At A Wedding? ARE YOU KIDDING???
To me (Miss Anal), knowing what COULD go wrong is almost important as knowing what NEEDS to be going on! A few of the solutions are a little funny, a little weird, but most are pretty together.
For a more serious view of 'What Could Go Wrong', please see the blog post 'Crisis Management For Weddings'.
Plus, being an EMT and a first responder in case of emergencies like earthquakes, accidents, you know, stuff where there's blood involved, I have to be ready for almost any medical emergency, so being prepared for a wedding disaster isn't much different! Ya just gotta figure out some of the 'protocols' that can fix the situation. I'm not only going to bring a bridal emergency kit (more on that later), but also a fully stocked EMT first aid kit as well.
1. The wedding party gets disgustingly drunk and so does your Groom.
2. The cake wasn't sturdy enough. Solution: as soon as you find out, if it's before 8:15, send someone to Sam's club for a couple of sheet cakes then go to Ralph's for some writing icing.
Below is a funny, really bitchin' cake. I put it in here because you might THINK it's a disaster, but it's NOT!
4. You have to go potty JUST before you walk down the aisle and you have NO CLUE how to maneuver the dress and train, to avoid it getting wet (or worse)!
Solution: this is going over and beyond, but ask a bridesmaid to hold it up for you behind the commode whilst you sit there. (PS-USE THE HANDICAPPED STALL) In your MOB's emergency bag, hopefully she has some of those 'fresh wipes' to catch what you, uh, end up missing...I just can't imagine a bride having to do a #2 soon before the wedding! If it's possible, take OFF the freakin' DRESS!
5. You cry during the ceremony and ruin your makeup.
Nobody said the price of beauty is cheap, so if you have the funds, consider having your makeup artist on standby until the reception for a quick touch-up. If that’s not in your budget, you can always request waterproof and smudge-resistant cosmetics or shoot most of your pictures before the ceremony to ensure that you look your best. Another solution-just think to yourself, "It's not my wedding, I'm on a Disney float and I'm Princess Aurora"! and you might not cry.
6. A guest wore WHITE. Solution: ignore the fact they wore white. Everybody ELSE will let them know that it's not proper etiquette and they'll feel really bad anyway.
7. One of the wedding party didn't go to the rehearsal, so they have NO CLUE what to do. Preemptive solution: have someone unofficially video the rehearsal so that the person (if you even still want them in your bridal party!) can see what's been planned.
8. One of the wedding party really REALLY f--ked up their congratulatory reception speech. (Go see the movie 'The Wedding Singer' and you'll know what I mean) Solution-if somebody looks tipsy or whatever, have something written on a piece of paper for them to read.
9. God forbid, one of the wedding party can't make it for a number of reasons (and you know what I mean i.e. they CAN'T make it...EVER AGAIN) Like it was as bad as having your dad or mom pass away just before the wedding. Solution: You must embrace the fact that the grief is going to be part of the day. One thing that may ease the pain just a bit is to acknowledge the loss of the family member during the ceremony and reception. For instance, consider mentioning the person in the program and ask your officiant to explain the situation during the service. At the reception, you can lead a toast to the person or invoke a moment of silence. You can also put a rose in the seat where they'd sit during the ceremony and the reception.
10. You have champagne in your room where you and the bridesmaids are getting ready, and one of the bridesmaids tries to open it. It POPS open and there's champagne EVERYWHERE...on your dress, the bridesmaids dresses, the furniture, EVERYWHERE.
11. A guest sneaked liquor into the reception area or in their car, there was a steady parade of 'friends' to drink out there, they got rowdy and fighting, and the police were called. Solution-THIS is where that Wedding Planner comes in handy!!! She probably has connections inside the Department!
12. You started your period. Your bridesmaids started THEIR periods. The Groom to be is ACTING like he's on HIS period. Solution: maxi pads, Xanax, and a lot of brown nosing.
13. The photog has taken a bitchin' pic of you coming up the aisle but in the pic is someone making a snide 'bitchy face' towards the camera.
Solution...PHOTOSHOP. Preemptive solution-make sure the Groomsmen seat those people who you KNOW are empathetic to you and that THEY'RE on the aisle!
14. One of the female guests gets smashed and starts taking off her clothes. Solution-let her. Big whoop. PHOTOSHOP.
15. There's not enough food at the reception for the guests who WERE INVITED. Solution-Pizza Hut delivers.
16. Because of the younger kids, your reception turns into a food fight reminiscent of the movie, "Animal House". Solution: duck and leave, otherwise it'll look like the 'pie fight' in Blazing Saddles.
17. Your groom throws up at the alter. After-ceremony solution-kitty litter does WONDERS for getting bad liquids up outta carpets or anything. Photog and videog delete those pics. Remember Nixon's 19 minutes of deleted tape? The art of deleting stuff has improved since the '70's. Preemptive solution-make sure everybody eats something and has drunk lots of water if it's hot.
18. You throw up at the alter. See above.
19. Someone has a heart attack at the wedding or the reception. Solution: make sure the MOB is an EMT, or you identify people ahead of time as emergency first responders. Being an EMT, I do this stuff ANYWAY, no matter WHERE I am. And along with that...
19a. One of the bridal party gets hurt i.e. sprained ankle, cut, bruised, etc. Solution-have lots of elastic bandages and those instant ice packs available. If it happens JUST before the ceremony, the hurt person COULD come in through a side door and just stand at the altar vs walking down the aisle.
20. Your MILTB and your Mom are arguing what YOU'RE going to have at the reception; the MILTB says you have to have this and so, your mom says NO WAY you're having that shit. Solution: ELOPE. Like I did.
21. The temperature dropped 20 degrees (or it was 'way higher than everyone thought) from what it was supposed to be, and the bridal party is outside the ceremony site FREEZING OR SWEATING and getting ready to have heat exhaustion. Solution: KNOW what the weather's going to be like! and have the bridesmaids and Bride wear sweats under their dresses, or if the dresses are higher, wear thicker hosiery. Whoever coordinates the wedding probably should have some jackets and if it rains, golf umbrellas or at least trash bags to put over some of the girls. If it's too hot, have fans and cold water available; maybe even cold washcloths for the back of people's necks. I as the MOB will be ordering a LOT of fans from The Knot.com, especially if the weather shows it'll be high. Otherwise, they'll make nice gifts at the reception anyway.
22. Wedding Disaster: The entertainment cancels or doesn’t show up.
Don’t assume because you’ve signed on the dotted line that you’re in the clear. Accidents do happen -- one groom recently told us that the band got in a car accident on their way to the reception so his groomsmen raided a nearby Best Buy in search of CD players and music to entertain guests. Even if your contract is ironclad, make sure you have a backup plan in place. Ask your bridal party to bring their iPods, a laptop, and speakers just in case a disaster does occur. Better to be prepared than stuck in a jam.
23. Not enough alcohol or the alcohol is GONE after 1 hour. Preemptive Solution: Make SURE there's an accurate head count, and you might want to put one bottle of while and one bottle of red on each table to boot. Pay the freakin' corking charge or whatever!
24. Your mother and your MIL start fighting each other for some reason. Preemptive solution: make sure EVERYBODY (especially your mother) takes their Bipolar medication, and have some Xanax on hand.
25. The wedding photographer 'friend' who was really really good had to cancel at the last minute due to a death in the family. You really quickly find a friend of your brothers who says he can do it. Trouble is, he gets so drunk that he can't figure out which end is up, the pics are blurry, and there are NO good pictures are taken! PREEMTIVE SOLUTION: NEVER get a friend to do things that you really really care about! Solution: have someone else there with their cool new camera to take the same shots as the photog.
Another issue is the friends and family who trample over themselves to catch pictures of you on their cell phones/ipads/cameras, and step in the way of the professional photog! They're rude and they DON'T even realize it!!!
For ideas on how to combat this and what the pros REALLY go through, check out this website:
http://www.robertevans.com/tags/avoiding-wedding-day-disasters/
MOST IMPORTANTLY
Don't stress that stuff that you have little or no control over! Just enjoy the day, say to yourself that it's NOT life or death, and keep smiling!
MORE TO COME!
For a more serious view of 'What Could Go Wrong', please see the blog post 'Crisis Management For Weddings'.
Plus, being an EMT and a first responder in case of emergencies like earthquakes, accidents, you know, stuff where there's blood involved, I have to be ready for almost any medical emergency, so being prepared for a wedding disaster isn't much different! Ya just gotta figure out some of the 'protocols' that can fix the situation. I'm not only going to bring a bridal emergency kit (more on that later), but also a fully stocked EMT first aid kit as well.
1. The wedding party gets disgustingly drunk and so does your Groom.
2. The cake wasn't sturdy enough. Solution: as soon as you find out, if it's before 8:15, send someone to Sam's club for a couple of sheet cakes then go to Ralph's for some writing icing.
Below is a funny, really bitchin' cake. I put it in here because you might THINK it's a disaster, but it's NOT!
3. Getting food poisoning from the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Like, almost EVERYBODY ends up getting food poisoning from the rehearsal dinner. Preemptive Solution-stay away from chicken or fish. Just go with pasta. Regular solution: damn, maybe wear 2-3 maxi pads, have the MOH quietly carry a folded up paper bag, & have someone in the bridal party tell the officiant to make it a REALLY QUICK ceremony!4. You have to go potty JUST before you walk down the aisle and you have NO CLUE how to maneuver the dress and train, to avoid it getting wet (or worse)!
Solution: this is going over and beyond, but ask a bridesmaid to hold it up for you behind the commode whilst you sit there. (PS-USE THE HANDICAPPED STALL) In your MOB's emergency bag, hopefully she has some of those 'fresh wipes' to catch what you, uh, end up missing...I just can't imagine a bride having to do a #2 soon before the wedding! If it's possible, take OFF the freakin' DRESS!5. You cry during the ceremony and ruin your makeup.
Nobody said the price of beauty is cheap, so if you have the funds, consider having your makeup artist on standby until the reception for a quick touch-up. If that’s not in your budget, you can always request waterproof and smudge-resistant cosmetics or shoot most of your pictures before the ceremony to ensure that you look your best. Another solution-just think to yourself, "It's not my wedding, I'm on a Disney float and I'm Princess Aurora"! and you might not cry.
6. A guest wore WHITE. Solution: ignore the fact they wore white. Everybody ELSE will let them know that it's not proper etiquette and they'll feel really bad anyway.
7. One of the wedding party didn't go to the rehearsal, so they have NO CLUE what to do. Preemptive solution: have someone unofficially video the rehearsal so that the person (if you even still want them in your bridal party!) can see what's been planned.
8. One of the wedding party really REALLY f--ked up their congratulatory reception speech. (Go see the movie 'The Wedding Singer' and you'll know what I mean) Solution-if somebody looks tipsy or whatever, have something written on a piece of paper for them to read.
9. God forbid, one of the wedding party can't make it for a number of reasons (and you know what I mean i.e. they CAN'T make it...EVER AGAIN) Like it was as bad as having your dad or mom pass away just before the wedding. Solution: You must embrace the fact that the grief is going to be part of the day. One thing that may ease the pain just a bit is to acknowledge the loss of the family member during the ceremony and reception. For instance, consider mentioning the person in the program and ask your officiant to explain the situation during the service. At the reception, you can lead a toast to the person or invoke a moment of silence. You can also put a rose in the seat where they'd sit during the ceremony and the reception.
10. You have champagne in your room where you and the bridesmaids are getting ready, and one of the bridesmaids tries to open it. It POPS open and there's champagne EVERYWHERE...on your dress, the bridesmaids dresses, the furniture, EVERYWHERE.
11. A guest sneaked liquor into the reception area or in their car, there was a steady parade of 'friends' to drink out there, they got rowdy and fighting, and the police were called. Solution-THIS is where that Wedding Planner comes in handy!!! She probably has connections inside the Department!
12. You started your period. Your bridesmaids started THEIR periods. The Groom to be is ACTING like he's on HIS period. Solution: maxi pads, Xanax, and a lot of brown nosing.
13. The photog has taken a bitchin' pic of you coming up the aisle but in the pic is someone making a snide 'bitchy face' towards the camera.
Solution...PHOTOSHOP. Preemptive solution-make sure the Groomsmen seat those people who you KNOW are empathetic to you and that THEY'RE on the aisle!
14. One of the female guests gets smashed and starts taking off her clothes. Solution-let her. Big whoop. PHOTOSHOP.
15. There's not enough food at the reception for the guests who WERE INVITED. Solution-Pizza Hut delivers.
16. Because of the younger kids, your reception turns into a food fight reminiscent of the movie, "Animal House". Solution: duck and leave, otherwise it'll look like the 'pie fight' in Blazing Saddles.
17. Your groom throws up at the alter. After-ceremony solution-kitty litter does WONDERS for getting bad liquids up outta carpets or anything. Photog and videog delete those pics. Remember Nixon's 19 minutes of deleted tape? The art of deleting stuff has improved since the '70's. Preemptive solution-make sure everybody eats something and has drunk lots of water if it's hot.
18. You throw up at the alter. See above.
19. Someone has a heart attack at the wedding or the reception. Solution: make sure the MOB is an EMT, or you identify people ahead of time as emergency first responders. Being an EMT, I do this stuff ANYWAY, no matter WHERE I am. And along with that...
19a. One of the bridal party gets hurt i.e. sprained ankle, cut, bruised, etc. Solution-have lots of elastic bandages and those instant ice packs available. If it happens JUST before the ceremony, the hurt person COULD come in through a side door and just stand at the altar vs walking down the aisle.
20. Your MILTB and your Mom are arguing what YOU'RE going to have at the reception; the MILTB says you have to have this and so, your mom says NO WAY you're having that shit. Solution: ELOPE. Like I did.
21. The temperature dropped 20 degrees (or it was 'way higher than everyone thought) from what it was supposed to be, and the bridal party is outside the ceremony site FREEZING OR SWEATING and getting ready to have heat exhaustion. Solution: KNOW what the weather's going to be like! and have the bridesmaids and Bride wear sweats under their dresses, or if the dresses are higher, wear thicker hosiery. Whoever coordinates the wedding probably should have some jackets and if it rains, golf umbrellas or at least trash bags to put over some of the girls. If it's too hot, have fans and cold water available; maybe even cold washcloths for the back of people's necks. I as the MOB will be ordering a LOT of fans from The Knot.com, especially if the weather shows it'll be high. Otherwise, they'll make nice gifts at the reception anyway.
22. Wedding Disaster: The entertainment cancels or doesn’t show up.
Don’t assume because you’ve signed on the dotted line that you’re in the clear. Accidents do happen -- one groom recently told us that the band got in a car accident on their way to the reception so his groomsmen raided a nearby Best Buy in search of CD players and music to entertain guests. Even if your contract is ironclad, make sure you have a backup plan in place. Ask your bridal party to bring their iPods, a laptop, and speakers just in case a disaster does occur. Better to be prepared than stuck in a jam.
23. Not enough alcohol or the alcohol is GONE after 1 hour. Preemptive Solution: Make SURE there's an accurate head count, and you might want to put one bottle of while and one bottle of red on each table to boot. Pay the freakin' corking charge or whatever!
24. Your mother and your MIL start fighting each other for some reason. Preemptive solution: make sure EVERYBODY (especially your mother) takes their Bipolar medication, and have some Xanax on hand.
25. The wedding photographer 'friend' who was really really good had to cancel at the last minute due to a death in the family. You really quickly find a friend of your brothers who says he can do it. Trouble is, he gets so drunk that he can't figure out which end is up, the pics are blurry, and there are NO good pictures are taken! PREEMTIVE SOLUTION: NEVER get a friend to do things that you really really care about! Solution: have someone else there with their cool new camera to take the same shots as the photog.
Another issue is the friends and family who trample over themselves to catch pictures of you on their cell phones/ipads/cameras, and step in the way of the professional photog! They're rude and they DON'T even realize it!!!
For ideas on how to combat this and what the pros REALLY go through, check out this website:
http://www.robertevans.com/tags/avoiding-wedding-day-disasters/
MOST IMPORTANTLY
Don't stress that stuff that you have little or no control over! Just enjoy the day, say to yourself that it's NOT life or death, and keep smiling!
MORE TO COME!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)