MOMZILLA LITE, Or 'I HATE Surprises ESPECIALLY Concerning My Daughter's Wedding': 2013

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Getting a wedding coordinator/planner takes a LOT of research, before you even get one!

You HAVE to know exactly WHAT you need before you can find someone to FILL the need!!

The Bride MUST KNOW what she wants in her wedding, the style of wedding, her vision of what is to happen and her dreams, and ESPECIALLY HER BUDGET!!!

SOME BACKGROUND AS TO WHY I AM GETTIN ONE FOR HER:
There's no such thing as 'true' altruism; we always do things that will help US somehow, even if it's giving without thought to ourselves, we STILL get a good feeling for ourselves from that act, and that's indirectly a benefit. (If you get enough of the 'good feelings' aka 'warm fuzzies', that'll eliminate some therapy!) Nutshell, I'm getting her one for her because it'll directly affect her and her fiance thereby also the baby, thereby indirectly ME.

Please note that I use the therapy reason alot in here...it's just a TOTAL plus to get a wedding planner to NOT NEED therapy!!! TRUST ME ON THIS.
Soooo...

When I told my stay-at-home-mom daughter J that I was going to get her a wedding planner, my thought processes were:
1. I was researching general wedding planning, seeing what I could (quietly) take over, and realized that there's a LOT more to planning a wedding than getting a venue, a DJ, a dress, an officiant, etc!!!
2. I figured that she'd need someone to help her do all her stuff there where she lives, since she has a baby, since her boyfriend/fiancé/Groom to be works every other day and is away from home, & since I'M 900 miles away and I can only wave my magic wand so many times and only at a certain distance (kinda like going out of area with a cellphone), without having to BE there...
AND here's the BIGGIE...
3. I won't have to figure out and DO all those little details that my DAUGHTER wouldn't know, would've forgotten, or tossed of as "Oh, we don't need to do that" when in fact she'll eventually figure out that she WILL need that! I won't have TIME to do all the little details anyway the day of, as MOB! Plus I have a lot of legal and medical shit to do out HERE where I am, so a wedding planner is cost effective in the long run, ESPECIALLY for she and I. It can pay off as an alternative to therapy bills, long-distance cellphone calls, texts and FaceTime fights and tears, not to mention the cost of all that Kleenex. I'm anal, yes, and I'd do the stuff ANYWAY despite being verbally abused, but still, MOB's don't look good after crying or getting 'hate stares' from the bride.

*****Here's a side benefit also...if the BRIDE is less stressed, HOW do you think the Groom will feel, not to mention the wedding party, relatives, etc etc etc??? THAT'S worth it ALONE, for the Groom to not be set upon ~~abused~~ ~~bitched at~~ by the Bride!!!!*****

Some of my research went into different topics, topics that I would NEVER have thought about even with event planning! To avoid redundancy, I've put in some websites where I got most of my information-they're either in the body of my explanation, or at the very bottom. Get ready for a HUGE laundry list!

-What IS this thing called a Wedding Planner & why are they so important?
-What's the difference between a wedding 'planner' and a wedding 'coordinator'?
-What DOES a wedding planner or wedding coordinator do, and how can she help us? (I say 'she' because a 'she' is the one we're going with, Parties by Patty at http://partiesbypatty.com/Home_Page.php,
Google her. I don't want to give away TOO much of who the guilty parties are in this blog!)
-How much does one cost? She'll save you in therapy bills, grief, tears, angst, all the stuff that you DON'T want to feel just before the wedding! The Bride (or Groom) might EVEN get so frustrated as to CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF and just might DO it, and we wouldn't want that, would we?? So the wedding planner is totally worth it. Don't even bother me about cost. My psychologist will SO be P.O.'d that I'm not going to be financing her Caddy SUV.

I've made a "Priority A" list and a "Priority B" list for services needed. Huh, I probably need a "Priority C" list too, eventually.

WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED A WEDDING PLANNER OR WEDDING COORDINATOR?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PLANNER AND A COORDINATOR?
WHAT DOES A WEDDING PLANNER DO?
HOW CAN SHE HELP US?
HOW MUCH DOES A PLANNER COST? HOW MUCH DOES A COORDINATOR COST?

A Wedding Planner/Coordinator is a lot of things-she is the buffer between you and your wedding party (if you need one), she's a therapist when you get so mad at anyone, she's a calming influence when you're confronted by SO many things to choose from, she's a walking carbon-based calendar who will keep you and everyone else in the wedding party on a schedule, she has contacts in the industry and so vendors know they're not dealing with a novice (aka YOU, as the bride), she can get you deals, and most importantly, she's someone you like, respect, can get in touch with quickly, and someone you can really get along with...so MUCH MUCH MORE.

The difference to me is the title, the certifications gotten, and the fee. Some are flat fee, some are percentage.

What does she do? Basically keep you and your mother (or whoever is helping you) from going nuts. She's cheaper than therapy or a trip to the mental hospital (which, if you DON'T have a wedding planner, can sound pretty good for a forced rest, away from all this shit!).

How much does (s)he cost? Cost really isn't that much of an issue I think because this person is worth MORE than gold; it just depends on how much you want your planner to do. I'd say tap out the credit cards and GET ONE-you will definitely save money.

Try Google-ing "'13 Things Your Wedding Planner Won't Tell You" from Reader's Digest, and
www.frugalbride.com/weddingcoordinatortips.html

This one is more about if you wanted to become a wedding planner, but it still is spot on; Google http://weddingsforaliving.com/wedding-planner-services

Some planners come with packages that range in services and prices.

Examples are:

A basic package can be:
Initial consultation
Power meeting 3 weeks prior to event
Coordination with vendors 2 weeks prior to event
Event day schedule
Attend final venue meeting
Attend final DJ / musician meeting
Rehearsal coordination (2 hrs)
On site coordination day of event (10 hrs)
Set up of linens, décor, centerpieces, favors, etc., as needed
Associate staff at ceremony and reception locations
Gather and return your belongings.

An 'intermediate' package can be everything above, plus additional hours.

A full-service package can be everything in the basic package, plus
Assist with the engagement portrait session
Assist with the dress selection
Assist the bride with gown fittings
Assist in tuxedo selections
Discuss and compile the guest list
Deliver invitations to and from the calligrapher
Assist with stuffing and mailing the invitations (postage costs to be paid by client)
Manage the guest list, RSVPs and meal requests
Help locate and select the wedding transportation; including valet parking, luxury vehicles and specialty cars
Assist with the bridal portrait; transportation of the attire and assisting the bride-to-be during the portrait session
Send reminders to attendants regarding responsibilities, itinerary, etc.
Assist in finalizing seating arrangements
Assist with obtaining the marriage license
Recommend locations for rehearsal dinner, bridal luncheon and post wedding brunch
Arrange and coordinate the bridal party transportation
Arrange and coordinate group transportation for the ceremony and reception guests
Assist in selecting wedding party or family gifts and wrapping, if necessary
Suggest ideas and assemble welcome bags or baskets for out-of-town guests, family and bridal party
Deliver welcome bags or baskets to assigned hotel for check-in distribution
Arrange accommodations for out-of-town guests including hotel blocks
Assist in planning bridal luncheon
Coordinate the rehearsal dinner; including the location, transportation, invitations and décor

And finally, they can consult on an ad hoc or separate services, such as
Decorate the bridal suite
Arrange salon and/or massage appointments
for bridal party or family members
Coordinate only the rehearsal
Coordinate only the ceremony
Coordinate only the reception
Manage the wedding budget
Assist with vendor selection
Create a vendor payment schedule
Create a wedding timeline
Coordinate newspaper announcement(s)
Order and coordinate wedding favors
Assemble and mail invitations
Assist with hotel room block reservations
Plan fun events in the city for out-of-town guests arriving early or staying late
Create and deliver welcome bags or baskets for out-of-town guests
Assist with child guest activities
Coordinate bridal shower
Coordinate engagement party
Coordinate bachelorette party
Coordinate bridal luncheon
Coordinate wedding rehearsal
Coordinate honeymoon
Consult at an hourly rate with a certain amount of hours minimum)

It just depends on the needs you have and the planners you look at.

WARNING: Don't asusme you're going to do it all yourself...take an honest look at WHAT has to be done for your wedding, an HONEST look at how much time you have to spend at this, and THEN decide what services you need!!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Mother's Poem To Her Daughter (who isn't speaking to her monther)

Mother Daughter Poem

I remember the good times,
that we once had...
but still my life,
is oh...so sad

I try to look forward,
but my mind goes back...
because a piece of the glass,
on our portrait is cracked

I try so hard to protect the glass,
I won't let it shatter...
Because you and your love,
are all that matters

My family is all,
that means anything to me...
still...everything always
gets blamed on me

This happens to Moms,
all over the world...
we're supposed to be perfect,
we learn this as girls

I have never been great
or the "best of Moms"...
And, at times I've failed
by some things I've done wrong

For those things I am sorry,
I didn't want you angry...
but please remember,
my eyes are not dry

I hope you can find,
our love that seems lost...
for by my caring and trying to help too much,
came at a very high cost

A piece of my life,
is missing and gone...
And everything feels,
Oh...so wrong

But, there is one thing,
that I can do...
I will be strong,
just for you

One thing I feel,
down deep in my soul...
It's my love for you,
Despite my heart’s big hole

Even though a call or a text, either one you won’t do
I still and will always want the very best for Steve, Stevie and especially you.

I love you, Mess.

Mama

More Funny Stuff

This checklist is here so that you know you're not alone. The bride that doesn't go through at least half of this stuff is the "weirdo". Print this list, tack it up in your room somewhere and see if you can be the "all time champ" and check off every single item. Whatever you don't see here, add it to your list, and don't forget to send it to us. Also keep it in a safe place to hand down to your daughter.

-He didn't get down on one knee.
-He just handed me the box without putting the ring on my finger.
-The damn ring didn't fit.
-He's given me the ring, but can't commit to a wedding day.
-I've got the ring and I hate it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I'll just grin and bare it, all the while I'm hoping to get mugged. "Oh, Honey, look he took my beautiful ring."
-Why don't we argue about: a traditional wedding, a victorian wedding, a modern wedding or why not throw our nationality into the mix.
-The two of us want a small wedding. Our parents want to invite every single person they've ever met.
-We go along with the bigger wedding. We're not happy about it, but get a grip who ever said it was our day anyway. Time to look for a quaint location. OH NO, "No child of mine is going to get married in a place like this. We're going to get you the best hall the city has to offer".
-Someone do me a favour, pull my mother-in-law to be out of my ass!
-We're both of a different faith. I don't care about this but both sets of parents want the ceremony in their own faith.
-I want to get married in a church but I don't attend regularly, so I keep getting turned down. I'm starting to get the "elope" feeling.
-The church is coming up with a list of rules and regulations a mile long. Can't do this, can't do that. That'll cost you extra.
-Then to top it all off we've got those wedding classes to attend.
-Look on the bright side, so far I haven't had anything to do.
-As it is right now our parents have managed to spend anywhere between $6,000 to $10,000.
-You still have to pay for a: florist, DJ, limo, invitations, hair, make-up, favours, photography, videography, decorations and wedding attire. Gifts for each other, your wedding party and your parents. Don't forget the little extras and our future. I know I'm really thinking about eloping now. Just chill, follow the Frugal Bride planners and checklists and they'll walk me through it nicey, nice.
-Get my nerves in check because here comes the shower I didn't want. So make sure I register, that way when I open my gifts I'll know that at least I like them.
-Ah! The dreaded seating plan. Many tears have been shed over this one.
-Where to seat divorced parents and feuding relatives.
-Then there's that uncle that breaks out into song after a couple of drinks. Geez, what will the in-laws think.
-My credit card is maxed and there's still so much to do.
-Someone in my bridal party went and got herself pregnant. The nerve of some people.
-It's 2 weeks before the wedding and my dress isn't ready yet. Oh! God when will this all end.
-I'm not putting one cent into that rehearsal dinner, that's his responsibility. "What do you mean you don't have any money left either. Well ask your parents for it, they're the ones who wanted the big fancy hall."
-Okay, that's it, someone definitely has to pull my mother-in-law to be out of my ass AGAIN! Gonna commit murder!!!!!!
-I didn't realize we needed a permit to take a couple of lousy pictures.
-"If that photographer tells me to tilt my head one more time, I'm gonna kill him."
-"Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
-I checked in with the reception site to confirm the final tally of guests and because I didn't read the small print, now they tell me that the price of our menu has gone up because of some hurricane in Florida six months ago.

Believe us, when we say, we could go on, but we want to leave something to your imagination.

-This one will get you the "Grand Prize". You wake up the morning of the wedding, walk over to the mirror and take a final look at the single you. You give yourself a little smile. You're so happy and proud of all the work you've put into this day. You're relieved to know that if you and your fiance can live through the wedding planning, you can live through anything. This is going to be THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. You stroll to the bathroom with your head held high and close the door. OH SHIT!!! I got my period!!!!!!!!!

Some Funny Stuff-'Signs Of A Psycho Bride' plus a enlightening website.

Signs of a psycho bride

1. You demand that bridesmaids perform fantastic tasks in the name of friendship, including but not limited to: plastic surgery, abortion, and/or quitting job to help full-time with wedding planning.
2. When bridesmaids refuse requests, you burst into tears and scream, "it's supposed to be my day"
3. You often go around bursting into tears and screaming "it's supposed to be my day!"
4. You are incapable of talking about anything except your own wedding, even at the most inappropriate times, such as funerals or wakes.
5. You have an unreasonable paranoia that everyone who cares about you is out to ruin your wedding day.
6. You have a reasonable paranoia that everyone who cares about you is out to ruin your wedding day.
7. Your obsession about weight leads you to ask everyone involved in the wedding, including your seventy year old grandmother, to lose five pounds.
8. Despite more than a millennium of wedding ceremonies, you believe that no one before you has ever planned and successfully executed a wedding and that you are the only person on the planet to make the weighty decision of hiring a caterer.
9. You don't care anything about the groom (groom? who's he? Who cares?) because you are caught up in this elaborate, self-indulgent orchestration of your own girlhood fantasies.
10. You forget (or never understood) that a wedding is supposed to be the celebration of a serious, long term commitment between two people, and not a stage for you to show your friends and enemies how fabulous you look in satin taffeta and a rhinestone tiara.

http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2012/10/the-most-epic-bridezilla-ever.html

Still the same 'ol subject-Mother/Daughter at odds. This info, however, is for the Bride.

This is from a great website, http://www.stayhitched.com/mother.htm

Your Mother and You

The pre-wedding period is a sensitive time for your relationship with your mother. This time often brings closer contact than either of you may be accustomed to.

The increased contact generated by wedding planning and other pre-wedding activities is at odds with the normal developmental task of separation involved in marriage. Your primary family identification and affiliation is shifting from your family of origin to the new family that you and your partner are creating. This can be true even for people who have established a life that is very independent.

The prospect of change can bring up deep feelings for both you and your mother as it comes closer. Nothing could be more natural. How you each express and handle these feelings depends on your personal qualities.
Sometimes problems can result when a mother seeks, consciously or unconsciously, to hang on to the child she is losing--you. Likewise, you may be overly-sensitive to "intrusive" acts by your mother because you may be feeling a little inexperienced in your new role. You'll both be feeling a bit excited and stressed by the change and by the demands of planning a wedding.

Consider talking with your mother about your expectations for the pre-wedding period, the wedding itself and your marriage. Tell her what you want, and ask her about her expectations and wishes. What does she want out of the wedding?

Some mothers have wishes for themselves, but they are afraid to intrude with their desires. They can still get upset if they their expectations aren't met.

Other mothers can be a bit too forthcoming with their own viewpoint. They may assume that you need their advice or that your wishes will be congruent without checking it out with you. You may need to gently, but firmly, set limits with your mother. It's your wedding and your life. Be as firm as you need to be. Talk to your mother about what you really feel and want.
You may hear some of your mother's reservations about your partner. These may be hard for you to listen to. Realize that these are normal. No one could ever be perfect enough to marry her baby. She can't help worrying about your future. Make sure that she knows that you hear her concerns and appreciate her point of view. This doesn't mean that you have to change your viewpoint. Other families become so enthralled with the prospective new member of the family (your partner) that you feel neglected.

Make some special time to spend with your mother, especially time that has nothing to do with wedding planning. Protect some of your time together by making a rule not to talk about the wedding. Take in a movie, go shopping together, spend a few hours at a spa.

This is really the beginning of a process where you will eventually change places. In the long run, you will become increasingly capable and competent, while your mother's may become less strong over time. This is a critical time to your relationship with new patterns and definitions being set that will influence your lives for a long time to come, so devote just a little of your time and energy to it.

Bride/Mother Dynamics, or She Cut Me Out Of The Wedding Planning

A little background:
At first she would tell me "Mom, I'm NOT stupid, I already know!! and I'm thinking that I'm NOT clairvoyant, so how did I know?
She THEN tells me to email Patty (our wedding planner and a WONDERFUL planner, must tell you more about her) and cc: her if I have any questions.
Soooo...
I did so, about Special Event Insurance.

The SHIT hit the FAN when I innocently told my daughter I was trying to find out a little about insurance. (I was going to pay for it). She went OFF on me and told me that that was what the $500 security fee was for the venue. I tried to explain about medical and if someone was hurt or some of OUR stuff was ripped off, and she got even MORE upset.
She kept saying, "Don't do anything unless I want you to!" and I said ok, but she kept on raising her voice. I asked her, why couldn't she act like an adult and be gracious and just say, "Thanks for the input mom". ?
So she kept on belaboring the point, so I hung up on her.

She tried calling me back 2x, then left this message on my voicemail:
"You want to talk about being and adult and then you hang up on me, that's real adult like. Anyways, do not talk to Patty anymore unless it's on a personal level between you and her, you're no more part of my wedding except for showing up if you want to. This is bullshit, I can't have you freaking trying to run my wedding for me, ok? Just stop talking to Patty about my wedding, if you want to be friends with her, whatever, but DO NOT talk about my wedding".

OK, my thoughts...

Regarding the links in the previous post: I wish I'd read the other links BEFORE being what I THOUGHT WAS 'helpful and caring'. I didn't LISTEN when she told me not to help unless she asked for it, but went on my way researching EVERYTHING anally, smugly believing that when I came up with the answer quickly or headed off an issue, everybody would love me (especially HER!) and think I was wonderful.
Instead, I've now been kicked out of the wedding planning, ordered NOT to talk or communicate with the wedding planner about the wedding, and told this morning with a pointed voice mail that said, "You are no more in the wedding except to show up if you want to".
Pretty harsh words, and it's because I didn't LISTEN to her the first-or second-or third times she told me to NOT HELP HER.
But oh gee, golly, damn, those last four words, "...if you want to."...

"The problem is the relationship. The things the bride is arguing about are just symbols of something bigger between you. Your daughter is getting married and it sounds like both of you are holding something back so [your love] is not unconditional." This is true…my love is not unconditional because I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face and to try to hurt her by only coming to the wedding AND NOTHING ELSE, at no other time UNTIL the wedding. IF I feel like even going. What I feel like doing right now is a) just driving all night and just barely getting there to the wedding (which means that since she said 'show up at the wedding-if you want to', I'd take her literally and show up ONLY at the wedding and NOT the rehearsal!) b) sitting in the back (IF I even GO!) c) cutting off ALL help, funds and advice to her, even when she asks me, d) not calling, taken her calls or even TRYING to make up, even at the expense of seeing my grandson, and by the way, is my pride REALLY worth that? Right now, YES…maybe gimme a week or a month. She’ll miss me and I’ll miss her. But right now she better not ask me to do anything. I paid off the wedding planner and that’s all I promised I’d do.
In the heat of hurt, I was thinking of not going to the wedding at all, and thereby missing her at the alter, missing their kiss, missing the toasts, missing the cake cutting...plus she'd probably never forgive me for decades. She also wouldn't forgive me because her dad (my hubs) said, "If your mother doesn't go, I don't go.". She got a kinda big-eyed almost surprised look on her face.

Advice for Mothers
You don't have to accept every problem as yours, but don't hold grudges that years later will turn into holding onto your anger. You've taught your daughter how to treat you. If you are feeling unappreciated, tell your daughter how you want your relationship to change.
Be clear in your intentions. Saying "Don't call me" and then being upset because she doesn't call sends a mixed message.
Advice for Daughters
Your mother wants to feel loved and appreciated for making you the wonderful adult you are. She wants you to call and sincerely say, "Momma, I miss you," or "How are you?"
Realize it's difficult for some mothers to stop seeing their adult daughters as teenagers.
Be clear in your intentions; you want to be talked to as a full-grown woman. Continue this dialogue, which is very tender right now, woman to woman.

Which one of us can hold out the longest? I betcha I can. But do I want to…?
Seems like I want to see her unhappy as she has made me unhappy, even though I was warned and I went ahead and did research and stuff without her. But I still want to lash out, hurt her even if it means being more hurt myself. IF I go totally through with this virtual rhinoplasty* halfway, 1/3 of the way, all the way, at the end of the wedding day, IS IT WORTH IT? Will I look back on the last 9 months with pride and contempt, or loathing at myself and hating how I’ve lost 9 months with my daughter. So WHAT if she kicked me out of the wedding planning? It’s her wedding, it’s her choice, she’s perfectly within her rights to do so. Who am I to get so butt-hurt (even though I am, BIG TIME) that she’s shutting me out of something she feels SHE needs to do with no help, 'thank you very much, I’m an adult and a quite capable one.'

*cutting off my nose to spite my face

Some links for mother/bride dynamics

http://www.albumboutique.com/blog/wedding-tips/shawns-suggestions-planners-observations-motherdaughter-wedding-dynamic-2/
http://www.netplaces.com/mother-of-the-bride/your-responsibilities/how-to-avoid-the-pushy-mob-label.htm

http://voices.yahoo.com/wedding-planning-avoiding-mother-daughter-conflict-239740.html

http://www.celebratewithstyle.com/site/survival-guide-tips-for-the-mother-of-bride
The above one kinda is touchy to me, because we were at their house the weekend of June 21st 2013 and she was planning on having her MOH (Maid of Honor) come out on the train and take her, the MOG (Mother of Groom), BM2, BM3 (who was later kicked out for not agreeing with my daughter on something, daughter demanded she apologize, BM3 said 'Ok, I'll apologize if you want' and daughter said no, I want a true apology. Wasn't happenin', didn't happen, BM3 kicked out. Anyway, she planned on dress shopping AFTER I left. Don't know if it was intentional or not, but it hurt...a little. She ended up with a FABULOUS dress and very good price (especially when I texted her and told her the sale was only until July 1st), and she bought it. She looked like a PRINCESS.

http://www.netplaces.com/mother-of-the-bride/your-responsibilities/above-and-beyond.htm

I just wish I had looked at these websites before I got involved.
Please note that I'm STILL involved, talking to Patty our wedding planner on a generic 'what if?' basis, like not SPECIFICALLY about the wedding, but writing and speaking generalizations, as if I was bemusing someone ELSE'S wedding...using lots of 'hypothetically's' and 'WHAT IF's'.

I feel sad and got teary-eyed at her voicemail on July 30 2013, but when I go online and research this type of thing, I feel a little better, until the NEXT day, when I notice she's 'unfriended' me from Facebook. I mean, I can still go on her fiance's site and see what's going on, but again, it hurts.
Just because she gets mad at what she says is my 'trying to run her wedding for her', does that necessitate HURTING me?

Sunday, July 7, 2013

What Could Go Wrong At A Wedding? ARE YOU KIDDING???

To me (Miss Anal), knowing what COULD go wrong is almost important as knowing what NEEDS to be going on! A few of the solutions are a little funny, a little weird, but most are pretty together.
For a more serious view of 'What Could Go Wrong', please see the blog post 'Crisis Management For Weddings'.

Plus, being an EMT and a first responder in case of emergencies like earthquakes, accidents, you know, stuff where there's blood involved, I have to be ready for almost any medical emergency, so being prepared for a wedding disaster isn't much different! Ya just gotta figure out some of the 'protocols' that can fix the situation. I'm not only going to bring a bridal emergency kit (more on that later), but also a fully stocked EMT first aid kit as well.

1. The wedding party gets disgustingly drunk and so does your Groom.

2. The cake wasn't sturdy enough. Solution: as soon as you find out, if it's before 8:15, send someone to Sam's club for a couple of sheet cakes then go to Ralph's for some writing icing.

Below is a funny, really bitchin' cake. I put it in here because you might THINK it's a disaster, but it's NOT!

3. Getting food poisoning from the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Like, almost EVERYBODY ends up getting food poisoning from the rehearsal dinner. Preemptive Solution-stay away from chicken or fish. Just go with pasta. Regular solution: damn, maybe wear 2-3 maxi pads, have the MOH quietly carry a folded up paper bag, & have someone in the bridal party tell the officiant to make it a REALLY QUICK ceremony!
4. You have to go potty JUST before you walk down the aisle and you have NO CLUE how to maneuver the dress and train, to avoid it getting wet (or worse)!

Solution: this is going over and beyond, but ask a bridesmaid to hold it up for you behind the commode whilst you sit there. (PS-USE THE HANDICAPPED STALL) In your MOB's emergency bag, hopefully she has some of those 'fresh wipes' to catch what you, uh, end up missing...I just can't imagine a bride having to do a #2 soon before the wedding! If it's possible, take OFF the freakin' DRESS!
5. You cry during the ceremony and ruin your makeup.
Nobody said the price of beauty is cheap, so if you have the funds, consider having your makeup artist on standby until the reception for a quick touch-up. If that’s not in your budget, you can always request waterproof and smudge-resistant cosmetics or shoot most of your pictures before the ceremony to ensure that you look your best. Another solution-just think to yourself, "It's not my wedding, I'm on a Disney float and I'm Princess Aurora"! and you might not cry.
6. A guest wore WHITE. Solution: ignore the fact they wore white. Everybody ELSE will let them know that it's not proper etiquette and they'll feel really bad anyway.
7. One of the wedding party didn't go to the rehearsal, so they have NO CLUE what to do. Preemptive solution: have someone unofficially video the rehearsal so that the person (if you even still want them in your bridal party!) can see what's been planned.
8. One of the wedding party really REALLY f--ked up their congratulatory reception speech. (Go see the movie 'The Wedding Singer' and you'll know what I mean) Solution-if somebody looks tipsy or whatever, have something written on a piece of paper for them to read.
9. God forbid, one of the wedding party can't make it for a number of reasons (and you know what I mean i.e. they CAN'T make it...EVER AGAIN) Like it was as bad as having your dad or mom pass away just before the wedding. Solution: You must embrace the fact that the grief is going to be part of the day. One thing that may ease the pain just a bit is to acknowledge the loss of the family member during the ceremony and reception. For instance, consider mentioning the person in the program and ask your officiant to explain the situation during the service. At the reception, you can lead a toast to the person or invoke a moment of silence. You can also put a rose in the seat where they'd sit during the ceremony and the reception.
10. You have champagne in your room where you and the bridesmaids are getting ready, and one of the bridesmaids tries to open it. It POPS open and there's champagne EVERYWHERE...on your dress, the bridesmaids dresses, the furniture, EVERYWHERE.
11. A guest sneaked liquor into the reception area or in their car, there was a steady parade of 'friends' to drink out there, they got rowdy and fighting, and the police were called. Solution-THIS is where that Wedding Planner comes in handy!!! She probably has connections inside the Department!
12. You started your period. Your bridesmaids started THEIR periods. The Groom to be is ACTING like he's on HIS period. Solution: maxi pads, Xanax, and a lot of brown nosing.
13. The photog has taken a bitchin' pic of you coming up the aisle but in the pic is someone making a snide 'bitchy face' towards the camera.
Solution...PHOTOSHOP. Preemptive solution-make sure the Groomsmen seat those people who you KNOW are empathetic to you and that THEY'RE on the aisle!
14. One of the female guests gets smashed and starts taking off her clothes. Solution-let her. Big whoop. PHOTOSHOP.
15. There's not enough food at the reception for the guests who WERE INVITED. Solution-Pizza Hut delivers.
16. Because of the younger kids, your reception turns into a food fight reminiscent of the movie, "Animal House". Solution: duck and leave, otherwise it'll look like the 'pie fight' in Blazing Saddles.
17. Your groom throws up at the alter. After-ceremony solution-kitty litter does WONDERS for getting bad liquids up outta carpets or anything. Photog and videog delete those pics. Remember Nixon's 19 minutes of deleted tape? The art of deleting stuff has improved since the '70's. Preemptive solution-make sure everybody eats something and has drunk lots of water if it's hot.
18. You throw up at the alter. See above.
19. Someone has a heart attack at the wedding or the reception. Solution: make sure the MOB is an EMT, or you identify people ahead of time as emergency first responders. Being an EMT, I do this stuff ANYWAY, no matter WHERE I am. And along with that...

19a. One of the bridal party gets hurt i.e. sprained ankle, cut, bruised, etc. Solution-have lots of elastic bandages and those instant ice packs available. If it happens JUST before the ceremony, the hurt person COULD come in through a side door and just stand at the altar vs walking down the aisle.
20. Your MILTB and your Mom are arguing what YOU'RE going to have at the reception; the MILTB says you have to have this and so, your mom says NO WAY you're having that shit. Solution: ELOPE. Like I did.
21. The temperature dropped 20 degrees (or it was 'way higher than everyone thought) from what it was supposed to be, and the bridal party is outside the ceremony site FREEZING OR SWEATING and getting ready to have heat exhaustion. Solution: KNOW what the weather's going to be like! and have the bridesmaids and Bride wear sweats under their dresses, or if the dresses are higher, wear thicker hosiery. Whoever coordinates the wedding probably should have some jackets and if it rains, golf umbrellas or at least trash bags to put over some of the girls. If it's too hot, have fans and cold water available; maybe even cold washcloths for the back of people's necks. I as the MOB will be ordering a LOT of fans from The Knot.com, especially if the weather shows it'll be high. Otherwise, they'll make nice gifts at the reception anyway.
22. Wedding Disaster: The entertainment cancels or doesn’t show up.
Don’t assume because you’ve signed on the dotted line that you’re in the clear. Accidents do happen -- one groom recently told us that the band got in a car accident on their way to the reception so his groomsmen raided a nearby Best Buy in search of CD players and music to entertain guests. Even if your contract is ironclad, make sure you have a backup plan in place. Ask your bridal party to bring their iPods, a laptop, and speakers just in case a disaster does occur. Better to be prepared than stuck in a jam.
23. Not enough alcohol or the alcohol is GONE after 1 hour. Preemptive Solution: Make SURE there's an accurate head count, and you might want to put one bottle of while and one bottle of red on each table to boot. Pay the freakin' corking charge or whatever!
24. Your mother and your MIL start fighting each other for some reason. Preemptive solution: make sure EVERYBODY (especially your mother) takes their Bipolar medication, and have some Xanax on hand.
25. The wedding photographer 'friend' who was really really good had to cancel at the last minute due to a death in the family. You really quickly find a friend of your brothers who says he can do it. Trouble is, he gets so drunk that he can't figure out which end is up, the pics are blurry, and there are NO good pictures are taken! PREEMTIVE SOLUTION: NEVER get a friend to do things that you really really care about! Solution: have someone else there with their cool new camera to take the same shots as the photog.
Another issue is the friends and family who trample over themselves to catch pictures of you on their cell phones/ipads/cameras, and step in the way of the professional photog! They're rude and they DON'T even realize it!!!
For ideas on how to combat this and what the pros REALLY go through, check out this website:
http://www.robertevans.com/tags/avoiding-wedding-day-disasters/

MOST IMPORTANTLY
Don't stress that stuff that you have little or no control over! Just enjoy the day, say to yourself that it's NOT life or death, and keep smiling!

MORE TO COME!

What's involved in planning a wedding, especially COSTS? I am SO going to save you time and angst here!!!!

For costs, this website will save you a TON of time!
It took me some time to find this website, but once I found it, holy crap! It's saved me time and some money!!!
REMEMBER THOUGH, the prices quoted are general prices, and could go up or down, based on your needs, the geographic area you're in, etc.

Here's the generic base page:
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/

http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-music-band.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-ring-pg2.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-ceremony-music.htm and remember, this is DIFFERENT from a band or DJ!!! This is the music for the actual ceremony!!!!!!!!
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-invitations-pg3.htm INCLUDING THE POSTAGE!
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-photographer-pg2.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/open-bar-wedding-reception-pg2.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-dress.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-gown-alterations.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-tipping-pg2.htm I never even THOUGHT about TIPPING!!! Hmm, looks like the FOB (Father of the Bride) will have to have about $1K in his pockets in cash...
http://people.whatitcosts.com/full-service-caterer.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-cakes.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-flowers.htm

Plus a lot of additional information you can search for, like costs of a horse and carriage: tent: limo: videographer: preserving a wedding dress: wedding favors: thank you cards: even how to trash your wedding dress! & all sorts of other stuff.

Some associated costs you might not've thought of regarding your wedding party:
**Can your bridesmaids even AFFORD to be in the wedding, pay for the bachelorette party, their dresses, special shoes (my little Bridezilla wants her BM's to buy $200 boots!), have their hair done, nails done, pay for their rooms for at least 2 nights, PLUS take off work for a couple of days? Same thing with the groomsmen, INCLUDING their tuxes.
**Can the MOB and MOG even afford what you WANT them to wear? & MAKE SURE they know what they can and can't wear (BTW, David's Bridal's have some awesome MOB dresses for really good prices, and the MOB can get a dress/outfit that can double as a nice going-out dress or even great work outfit...if you're meeting with the Board of Directors...)

10 Hidden biggest wedding expenses Part 1

10: Sales Tax
When quoting your budget to a vendor, it's easy to forget Uncle Sam's piece of the pie. An extra 6 to 10 percent adds up quickly -- especially on bigger purchases -- and can create a cost overrun that leaves your benefactors feeling less than joyous. Make sure to check all vendors' estimates to make sure tax is included in the total.
You will most likely have several vendors working to put your wedding together. Don't insult one by stiffing them on a tip.
9: Gratuities and Tips
Just like tax, gratuities and tips are often left out of the initial wedding budget. Your caterer may tack a whopping 25 percent gratuity onto your bill for the privilege of serving their chicken skewers and manning the beef carving station. It's in the fine print, so be sure you read over your contracts and estimates carefully. According to some industry insiders, it's customary to also have tips ready for the band, DJ, photographer, florist, cake delivery, hairdresser, coatroom attendants, limo driver, bartenders and servers.
8: Gifts for the Wedding Party
The people that accompany you down the aisle are the most special ones in your life. You've got your childhood best friend, your closest friend from college, two sisters and a sister-like cousin, and of course, your two favorite work compadres. And don't forget their escorts, the seven accompanying groomsmen in your husband-to-be's lineup. They've all dedicated a lot of time and probably a good deal of coin to stand up with you on your big day, so all 14 are candidates for a lovely remembrance from you. With the average attendant gift expenditure hovering around $50 a person, you do the math.
7: Delivery Fees
Getting everything to the reception site may not be a part of the package deal.
The great part about the wedding industry is its full-service feature. You can have your fairy tale setting delivered right to the doorstep of your reception hall. Sure, we'll deliver your dress from the tailor - just sign here. Tables and chairs, food and flowers, linens and glassware -- anything your heart desires will land in the right place at the right time. But you're gonna have to pay the people who make it happen.
6: Postage
If you're hoarding your Forever stamps, a regular envelope will cost you 44 cents to mail. But special envelopes -- the kind you'll probably use to complement your fancy invitations -- get an extra surcharge. Tack on stamp costs for the RSVP envelope, and you're well over $1.00 per invitation, which doesn't even include the cost of the design and printing of the actual invite. If you want to be really thorough, remember to budget yet another stamp for thank you notes.
Not all weddings end exactly on time, so make sure you know the overtime plan -- and price.
5: Overtime
Most fees for wedding services and venues are based on a set amount of time. Your venue, band, DJ, photographer and videographer are all likely to be on the clock, so make sure you understand exactly how long you have and plan accordingly before chicken dancing till the wee hours.
**Did You Know?
The reason restaurants and other venues charge corkage a fee is because alcohol sales are a big profit line on their business plan.
4: Bar Set-up Fees
Even when you decide to take cost-cutting measures, there are still hidden fees you can incur. For example, if your venue allows you to supply your own booze for the bar to avoid their costly markup, you'll probably still end up paying a bar set-up fee or a corkage fee that can quickly eat up all your savings. But the good news is they'll probably throw in the glasses free of charge.
3: Guest List
When your aunt's BFF comes with a husband and three children, these additions to the headcount mean more mouths to feed, more chairs to sit in, more wine to sip, more cars to park, more silverware to eat with and more glasses to drink out of. Because you don't want to hurt any feelings, the body count can add up quickly. And because many of these expenses are on a per-head basis, the tab is going to reflect that. Get a number in your head, and work backward from there. If that second cousin twice removed needs to go, then so be it.
Keep tabs on your guest list -- it can easily spiral out of control.
**Did You Know?
Sometimes people forget to write their name on the RSVP card before returning it to you, so spend a few extra minutes numbering the backs and keeping a corresponding list. This is a big time saver in the long run.
2: Cake Cutting Fee
One of the last things you think you'll get charged for is the cutting of your cake. After all, you bought it from a separate bakery, and the cake already cost you a small fortune. The fee is really a provision for the plates and forks, and then the subsequent washing of those plates and forks. Everything costs something, right? Fees can range from 50 cents to three bucks a slice. Consider serving cupcakes instead -- they're all the rage, and no plate is required.
**Did You Know?
A great tip for saving money on your cake is to get a smaller version of the wedding showpiece cake and get a sheet cake version to serve to guests. This can be a huge savings for a big wedding, and if you have it plated in back, guests will never know the difference.
1. Venue's FeesEven the great outdoors aren't free of charge
It's important to read the fine print of any venue contract before setting your heart on that location. There are many additional fees associated with almost any venue, from overtime to cleaning charges, and some of these may make or break the deal. For example, that reception hall may require dripless candles that you have to purchase from them -- at $5 a pop. Or their lovely white chairs -- at $10 apiece. Some even have contracts with caterers that lock you into their menu and service options. So be sure to ask before mentally committing.

This information courtesy of http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/weddings/10-unexpected-wedding-expenses.htm

10 Hidden biggest wedding expenses Part 2
It's all those pricey extras that slide in under the radar. We've asked the experts to clue us in on their insider secrets for avoiding those little-known financial pitfalls and sticking to your wedding budget.

1. Wedding Band Equipment

Why it's hidden The cost of the wedding band includes fees for the musicians' time and the minimum amount of equipment needed. If your reception space is extra-large, then additional speakers and microphones could possibly be required to project the best sound quality.
The cost Anywhere from several hundred to several thousand dollars
How to avoid it Before booking your wedding band or DJ, you need to clearly explain the layout of the space (or have them check it out, if they're willing) so the vendors know exactly what they're working with. If they want to add in extra equipment, you should have them explain why it's necessary before you sign a contract or agree to pay for anything else.
2. Postage Stamps
Why it's hidden Stationers don't advertise the shipping costs; if they did, you might decide to go with simpler (read: cheaper) invites.
The cost Oversized, awkwardly shaped and bulky invitations will most often run you as much as $2 each to mail.
How to avoid it Skip the fancy boxed invitations and multilayer cards, which can bulk up quickly and cost a lot more than you bargained for.
3. Wedding Dress Alterations and Steaming
Why it's hidden Most stores don't include alterations (or steaming!) in the price of the wedding dress, and they're not doing it for free -- it can take up to three hours just to alter the bustier!
The cost A simple hem can be less than $100, but completely rebuilding a bodice or moving zippers can send the price upward of $500.
How to avoid it Ask about what the store charges for every alteration you may need before you purchase the gown.
4. Overtime CostsWhy it's hidden Your band, DJ, wedding photographer and videographer are booked for just a certain amount of time, so if your wedding runs a little longer than you expected, they'll charge per hour.
The cost Starting at $250 per hour
How to avoid it Factor in additional time for getting dressed and taking photos; that way, you can book your vendors for a more realistic timeline. Get overtime costs in writing (they shouldn't be more than 50 percent more per hour than the regular rate) so you'll know what to expect if you decide to keep the party going.
5. Welcome-Bag Delivery
Why it's hidden Most hotels don't factor in a welcome-bag delivery fee when you block rooms. And they may fail to mention the rate unless you ask -- they'll just add it to your final bill. Inquire within; they may even charge you a fee for holding the welcome bags if you drop them off before the guests arrive!
The cost Up to $7 per bag
How to avoid it During the booking process, ask about the hotel's policy on receiving and delivering welcome bags to guests' rooms. It may be free or cheaper if they hand the bags out at the counter as guests check in. If you don't want the extra charge, you can distribute them at the rehearsal dinner.
6. Rental Equipment Transport
Why it's hidden You'd assume that the rental companies would include these extra fees in the per-item costs (do they honestly think you're going to fit 150 chiavari chairs in your own car?), but surprisingly, they don't.
The cost From $50 up to more than $500
How to avoid it Ask the rental company what their shipping and packaging fees are up front -- if the cost is too high for your budget, shop around a bit. You just might find that you'll actually save some money by renting items from a more expensive company that includes delivery costs at no extra charge.
7. Taxes and GratuitiesWhy it's hidden Even though these aren't exactly hidden -- we all know that there are taxes on almost everything -- most couples don't think about how much they'll end up owing during the planning process.
The cost This will depend on the total amount of money you're spending as well as the location of the event (taxes vary in different areas).
How to avoid it There's no getting around paying taxes, but paying the entire bill in one lump sum can help lower the overall price. A safe bet: Tack on an extra third of your total costs to your budget for tips and taxes.
8. Cake-Cutting and Corkage Fees
Why it's hidden If you use the cake or booze provided by your reception site, the charge is typically wrapped into the cost. Going with an outside baker or vino can raise the price. Why? Because your venue's workers are responsible for slicing and serving each piece, then cleaning the dishes. This means more work for their staff!
The cost From $2 to $5 per guest for the cake; from $1.50 to $3 for every bottle the venue opens
How to avoid it Calculate the cake-cutting and corkage fees before you decide to go with an outside source for either.
9. Cleanup and Breakdown Costs
Why it's hidden Many brides spend so much time planning the actual day that they forget to budget for what happens when it's all over.
The cost While a full-service venue won't charge for these things, if you're paying a flat fee to rent the space only, anticipate fees for garbage removal (up to $250), freight elevator use (up to $150) and cleaning (up to $500). And even most full-service venues require same-day setup and cleanup. So if you're getting married on a weekend, expect to pay time and a half for labor, and if your party goes into the wee hours of the morning, you may face extra charges for late-night pickup and cleanup.
How to avoid it Read your contract carefully -- the setup and breakdown costs should be included in the labor charge.
10. Non-Approved VendorsWhy it's hidden Some venues require you to use caterers or florists from their preferred vendor list -- and tack on a fee if you don't.
The cost Usually an extra 20 percent or more
How to avoid it Stick to the list, or choose a venue without one.

This information is from this website: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-budget/articles/10-hidden-wedding-costs.aspx

10 Hidden wedding expenses Part 3

Wedding night accommodations
You deserve to feel like royalty on your wedding night, so set aside part of the budget for luxe accommodation. How much? $250+, depending on your location. Cost-cutting idea: Ask if your venue will provide complimentary use of the bridal suite.

Night before wedding accommodations for wedding party INCLUDING THE GUYS!
They're not ALL going to stay at your house, are they? And get ready on top of it?
You'd need at least 2 rooms for the girls and two rooms for the guys.
Cost-cutting idea: maybe your wedding planner can get a block of rooms for you, with the bridesmaids' room(s) close to yours.

Dress alterations

Dresses rarely fit perfectly, so budget for alterations. How much? From $100-250+. Cost-cutting idea: You could tell your girls you’ll pay for their dresses if they cover the alteration costs.

Setting-up costs

Most florists will have a delivery and set-up charge, which may not be included in their quote. How much? From $50 local delivery. Cost-cutting idea: Ask your ushers to move your ceremony flowers to the reception to save money.

Thank you cards

Buying bespoke thank you cards to match your invitations can add to your stationery bill. How much? $4+ per card. Cost-cutting idea: Get your photographer to take a picture of you and your hubby holding up a thank you sign, then have your own cards printed online from $1.00.

Supplier meals

Professionals like your photographer and videographer are likely to require a meal on your wedding day. How much? From $50+ per head. Cost-cutting idea: Feeding suppliers as well as the wedding guests can be expensive. Ask your venue if they have cheaper options for suppliers.

Church/ceremony site fees

For religious ceremonies, remember to budget for church fees/ceremony site fees. Cost-cutting ideas: The organist, choir and bell ringers may cost extra. Before you book, find out how much each addition costs and then decide, as a couple, how important they are to you for your special day.

Wedding insurance

Far from being an optional extra, wedding insurance is essential in case something goes wrong on your big day. It’s the most important thing you’ll buy for the day (yes, even more important than the dress!). How much? The average policy costs $75 but can be as low as 450. Cost-cutting idea: Use an insurance comparison site to compare policies and prices.

County license fees

$50 and up

Handmade maps

Printed maps and information sheets may be helpful for your guests, but paper and ink can add to your budget. How much? Ink cartridges vary from $20-40. Cost-cutting idea: Use black ink, it’s cheaper than printing in colour and distribute information by email.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Even thought my daughter postponed the wedding, she bought the dress she loved.

and it looked FABULOUS on her! (as you can tell)
Even though she said she wasn't 'into' veils nor 'trains', this dress ethereally HAS a nice train and she's going with a small simple veil down the back.

This was the first time she tried on her dream dress...

The dream dress, first try on.

And the last try on and day of purchase on Saturday June 29 2013..

It was a nice price, too. Under a grand, which was a great thing.

Hey, she could make a gunnysack look great!

The one on the right was PERSONALLY my fave, but oh well, I'M not the one wearing it!

CUTE IDEA: What I did to give her an idea of what she liked with her in the dress (to save time trying them on), I went to the David's Bridal website, got her 4 choices, isolated a really good headshot of her then photoshopped it onto the dresses and sent her those pictures. She had a REALLY GOOD idea of what she wanted in a dress! Here are two examples:

She also tried on other dresses.

NOTE TO WOULD-BE BRIDES WHO GO AND TRY STUFF ON!!!

DO YOUR HAIR KINDA NICELY OR AT LEAST WASH IT!

A few things she commented on ALSO were that David's Bridal in her town was, in her opinion, dirty. Her feet were filthy by the time she was done.

Another thing was that it was HOT in there; she got so hot and yucky feeling from taking off the dresses, putting on dresses, that I think she's lucky to find her dream dress so FAST, before she passed out! So remember ladies, take WATER and a hand held FAN!!!

MOMZILLA LITE, Or 'I HATE Surprises ESPECIALLY Concerning My Daughter's Wedding'