What Could Go Wrong At A Wedding? ARE YOU KIDDING???

To me (Miss Anal), knowing what COULD go wrong is almost important as knowing what NEEDS to be going on! A few of the solutions are a little funny, a little weird, but most are pretty together.
For a more serious view of 'What Could Go Wrong', please see the blog post 'Crisis Management For Weddings'.

Plus, being an EMT and a first responder in case of emergencies like earthquakes, accidents, you know, stuff where there's blood involved, I have to be ready for almost any medical emergency, so being prepared for a wedding disaster isn't much different! Ya just gotta figure out some of the 'protocols' that can fix the situation. I'm not only going to bring a bridal emergency kit (more on that later), but also a fully stocked EMT first aid kit as well.



1. The wedding party gets disgustingly drunk and so does your Groom.

2. The cake wasn't sturdy enough. Solution: as soon as you find out, if it's before 8:15, send someone to Sam's club for a couple of sheet cakes then go to Ralph's for some writing icing.

Below is a funny, really bitchin' cake. I put it in here because you might THINK it's a disaster, but it's NOT!



3. Getting food poisoning from the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Like, almost EVERYBODY ends up getting food poisoning from the rehearsal dinner. Preemptive Solution-stay away from chicken or fish. Just go with pasta. Regular solution: damn, maybe wear 2-3 maxi pads, have the MOH quietly carry a folded up paper bag, & have someone in the bridal party tell the officiant to make it a REALLY QUICK ceremony!
4. You have to go potty JUST before you walk down the aisle and you have NO CLUE how to maneuver the dress and train, to avoid it getting wet (or worse)!
Solution: this is going over and beyond, but ask a bridesmaid to hold it up for you behind the commode whilst you sit there. (PS-USE THE HANDICAPPED STALL) In your MOB's emergency bag, hopefully she has some of those 'fresh wipes' to catch what you, uh, end up missing...I just can't imagine a bride having to do a #2 soon before the wedding! If it's possible, take OFF the freakin' DRESS!
5. You cry during the ceremony and ruin your makeup.
Nobody said the price of beauty is cheap, so if you have the funds, consider having your makeup artist on standby until the reception for a quick touch-up. If that’s not in your budget, you can always request waterproof and smudge-resistant cosmetics or shoot most of your pictures before the ceremony to ensure that you look your best. Another solution-just think to yourself, "It's not my wedding, I'm on a Disney float and I'm Princess Aurora"! and you might not cry.
6. A guest wore WHITE. Solution: ignore the fact they wore white. Everybody ELSE will let them know that it's not proper etiquette and they'll feel really bad anyway.
7. One of the wedding party didn't go to the rehearsal, so they have NO CLUE what to do. Preemptive solution: have someone unofficially video the rehearsal so that the person (if you even still want them in your bridal party!) can see what's been planned.
8. One of the wedding party really REALLY f--ked up their congratulatory reception speech. (Go see the movie 'The Wedding Singer' and you'll know what I mean) Solution-if somebody looks tipsy or whatever, have something written on a piece of paper for them to read.
9. God forbid, one of the wedding party can't make it for a number of reasons (and you know what I mean i.e. they CAN'T make it...EVER AGAIN) Like it was as bad as having your dad or mom pass away just before the wedding. Solution: You must embrace the fact that the grief is going to be part of the day. One thing that may ease the pain just a bit is to acknowledge the loss of the family member during the ceremony and reception. For instance, consider mentioning the person in the program and ask your officiant to explain the situation during the service. At the reception, you can lead a toast to the person or invoke a moment of silence. You can also put a rose in the seat where they'd sit during the ceremony and the reception.
10. You have champagne in your room where you and the bridesmaids are getting ready, and one of the bridesmaids tries to open it. It POPS open and there's champagne EVERYWHERE...on your dress, the bridesmaids dresses, the furniture, EVERYWHERE.
11. A guest sneaked liquor into the reception area or in their car, there was a steady parade of 'friends' to drink out there, they got rowdy and fighting, and the police were called. Solution-THIS is where that Wedding Planner comes in handy!!! She probably has connections inside the Department!
12. You started your period. Your bridesmaids started THEIR periods. The Groom to be is ACTING like he's on HIS period. Solution: maxi pads, Xanax, and a lot of brown nosing.
13. The photog has taken a bitchin' pic of you coming up the aisle but in the pic is someone making a snide 'bitchy face' towards the camera.
Solution...PHOTOSHOP. Preemptive solution-make sure the Groomsmen seat those people who you KNOW are empathetic to you and that THEY'RE on the aisle!
14. One of the female guests gets smashed and starts taking off her clothes. Solution-let her. Big whoop. PHOTOSHOP.
15. There's not enough food at the reception for the guests who WERE INVITED.  Solution-Pizza Hut delivers.
16. Because of the younger kids, your reception turns into a food fight reminiscent of the movie, "Animal House". Solution: duck and leave, otherwise it'll look like the 'pie fight' in Blazing Saddles.
17. Your groom throws up at the alter. After-ceremony solution-kitty litter does WONDERS for getting bad liquids up outta carpets or anything. Photog and videog delete those pics. Remember Nixon's 19 minutes of deleted tape? The art of deleting stuff has improved since the '70's. Preemptive solution-make sure everybody eats something and has drunk lots of water if it's hot.
18. You throw up at the alter. See above.
19. Someone has a heart attack at the wedding or the reception. Solution: make sure the MOB is an EMT, or you identify people ahead of time as emergency first responders. Being an EMT, I do this stuff ANYWAY, no matter WHERE I am. And along with that...

         19a. One of the bridal party gets hurt i.e. sprained ankle, cut, bruised, etc. Solution-have lots of elastic bandages and those instant ice packs available. If it happens JUST before the ceremony, the hurt person COULD come in through a side door and just stand at the altar vs walking down the aisle.
20. Your MILTB and your Mom are arguing what YOU'RE going to have at the reception; the MILTB says you have to have this and so, your mom says NO WAY you're having that shit. Solution: ELOPE. Like I did.
21. The temperature dropped 20 degrees (or it was 'way higher than everyone thought) from what it was supposed to be, and the bridal party is outside the ceremony site FREEZING OR SWEATING and getting ready to have heat exhaustion. Solution: KNOW what the weather's going to be like! and have the bridesmaids and Bride wear sweats under their dresses, or if the dresses are higher, wear thicker hosiery. Whoever coordinates the wedding probably should have some jackets and if it rains, golf umbrellas or at least trash bags to put over some of the girls. If it's too hot, have fans and cold water available; maybe even cold washcloths for the back of people's necks. I as the MOB will be ordering a LOT of fans from The Knot.com, especially if the weather shows it'll be high. Otherwise, they'll make nice gifts at the reception anyway.
22. Wedding Disaster: The entertainment cancels or doesn’t show up.
Don’t assume because you’ve signed on the dotted line that you’re in the clear. Accidents do happen -- one groom recently told us that the band got in a car accident on their way to the reception so his groomsmen raided a nearby Best Buy in search of CD players and music to entertain guests. Even if your contract is ironclad, make sure you have a backup plan in place. Ask your bridal party to bring their iPods, a laptop, and speakers just in case a disaster does occur. Better to be prepared than stuck in a jam.
23. Not enough alcohol or the alcohol is GONE after 1 hour. Preemptive Solution: Make SURE there's an accurate head count, and you might want to put one bottle of while and one bottle of red on each table to boot. Pay the freakin' corking charge or whatever!
24. Your mother and your MIL start fighting each other for some reason. Preemptive solution: make sure EVERYBODY (especially your mother) takes their Bipolar medication, and have some Xanax on hand.
25. The wedding photographer 'friend' who was really really good had to cancel at the last minute due to a death in the family. You really quickly find a friend of your brothers who says he can do it. Trouble is, he gets so drunk that he can't figure out which end is up, the pics are blurry, and there are NO good pictures are taken! PREEMTIVE SOLUTION: NEVER get a friend to do things that you really really care about! Solution: have someone else there with their cool new camera to take the same shots as  the photog.
Another issue is the friends and family who trample over themselves to catch pictures of you on their cell phones/ipads/cameras, and step in the way of the professional photog! They're rude and they DON'T even realize it!!!
For ideas on how to combat this and what the pros REALLY go through, check out this website:
http://www.robertevans.com/tags/avoiding-wedding-day-disasters/

MOST IMPORTANTLY
Don't stress that stuff that you have little or no control over! Just enjoy the day, say to yourself that it's NOT life or death, and keep smiling!

MORE TO COME!

What's involved in planning a wedding, especially COSTS? I am SO going to save you time and angst here!!!!

For costs, this website will save you a TON of time!
It took me some time to find this website, but once I found it, holy crap! It's saved me time and some money!!!
REMEMBER THOUGH, the prices quoted are general prices, and could go up or down, based on your needs, the geographic area you're in, etc.


Here's the generic base page:
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/

http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-music-band.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-ring-pg2.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-ceremony-music.htm and remember, this is DIFFERENT from a band or DJ!!! This is the music for the actual ceremony!!!!!!!!
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-invitations-pg3.htm INCLUDING THE POSTAGE!
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-photographer-pg2.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/open-bar-wedding-reception-pg2.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-dress.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-gown-alterations.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-tipping-pg2.htm I never even THOUGHT about TIPPING!!! Hmm, looks like the FOB (Father of the Bride) will have to have about $1K in his pockets in cash...
http://people.whatitcosts.com/full-service-caterer.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-cakes.htm
http://weddings.whatitcosts.com/wedding-flowers.htm

Plus a lot of additional information you can search for, like costs of a horse and carriage: tent: limo: videographer: preserving a wedding dress: wedding favors: thank you cards: even how to trash your wedding dress! & all sorts of other stuff.

Some associated costs you might not've thought of regarding your wedding party:
**Can your bridesmaids even AFFORD to be in the wedding, pay for the bachelorette party, their dresses, special shoes (my little Bridezilla wants her BM's to buy $200 boots!), have their hair done, nails done, pay for their rooms for at least 2 nights, PLUS take off work for a couple of days? Same thing with the groomsmen, INCLUDING their tuxes.
**Can the MOB and MOG even afford what you WANT them to wear? & MAKE SURE they know what they can and can't wear (BTW, David's Bridal's have some awesome MOB dresses for really good prices, and the MOB can get a dress/outfit that can double as a nice going-out dress or even great work outfit...if you're meeting with the Board of Directors...)

10 Hidden biggest wedding expenses Part 1

10: Sales Tax
When quoting your budget to a vendor, it's easy to forget Uncle Sam's piece of the pie. An extra 6 to 10 percent adds up quickly -- especially on bigger purchases -- and can create a cost overrun that leaves your benefactors feeling less than joyous. Make sure to check all vendors' estimates to make sure tax is included in the total.
You will most likely have several vendors working to put your wedding together. Don't insult one by stiffing them on a tip.
 9: Gratuities and Tips
Just like tax, gratuities and tips are often left out of the initial wedding budget. Your caterer may tack a whopping 25 percent gratuity onto your bill for the privilege of serving their chicken skewers and manning the beef carving station. It's in the fine print, so be sure you read over your contracts and estimates carefully. According to some industry insiders, it's customary to also have tips ready for the band, DJ, photographer, florist, cake delivery, hairdresser, coatroom attendants, limo driver, bartenders and servers.
 8: Gifts for the Wedding Party
The people that accompany you down the aisle are the most special ones in your life. You've got your childhood best friend, your closest friend from college, two sisters and a sister-like cousin, and of course, your two favorite work compadres. And don't forget their escorts, the seven accompanying groomsmen in your husband-to-be's lineup. They've all dedicated a lot of time and probably a good deal of coin to stand up with you on your big day, so all 14 are candidates for a lovely remembrance from you. With the average attendant gift expenditure hovering around $50 a person, you do the math.
7: Delivery Fees
Getting everything to the reception site may not be a part of the package deal.
The great part about the wedding industry is its full-service feature. You can have your fairy tale setting delivered right to the doorstep of your reception hall. Sure, we'll deliver your dress from the tailor - just sign here. Tables and chairs, food and flowers, linens and glassware -- anything your heart desires will land in the right place at the right time. But you're gonna have to pay the people who make it happen.
6: Postage
If you're hoarding your Forever stamps, a regular envelope will cost you 44 cents to mail. But special envelopes -- the kind you'll probably use to complement your fancy invitations -- get an extra surcharge. Tack on stamp costs for the RSVP envelope, and you're well over $1.00 per invitation, which doesn't even include the cost of the design and printing of the actual invite. If you want to be really thorough, remember to budget yet another stamp for thank you notes.
Not all weddings end exactly on time, so make sure you know the overtime plan -- and price.
5: Overtime
Most fees for wedding services and venues are based on a set amount of time. Your venue, band, DJ, photographer and videographer are all likely to be on the clock, so make sure you understand exactly how long you have and plan accordingly before chicken dancing till the wee hours.
**Did You Know?
The reason restaurants and other venues charge corkage a fee is because alcohol sales are a big profit line on their business plan.
4: Bar Set-up Fees
Even when you decide to take cost-cutting measures, there are still hidden fees you can incur. For example, if your venue allows you to supply your own booze for the bar to avoid their costly markup, you'll probably still end up paying a bar set-up fee or a corkage fee that can quickly eat up all your savings. But the good news is they'll probably throw in the glasses free of charge.
3: Guest List
When your aunt's BFF comes with a husband and three children, these additions to the headcount mean more mouths to feed, more chairs to sit in, more wine to sip, more cars to park, more silverware to eat with and more glasses to drink out of. Because you don't want to hurt any feelings, the body count can add up quickly. And because many of these expenses are on a per-head basis, the tab is going to reflect that. Get a number in your head, and work backward from there. If that second cousin twice removed needs to go, then so be it.
Keep tabs on your guest list -- it can easily spiral out of control.
**Did You Know?
Sometimes people forget to write their name on the RSVP card before returning it to you, so spend a few extra minutes numbering the backs and keeping a corresponding list. This is a big time saver in the long run.
2: Cake Cutting Fee
One of the last things you think you'll get charged for is the cutting of your cake. After all, you bought it from a separate bakery, and the cake already cost you a small fortune. The fee is really a provision for the plates and forks, and then the subsequent washing of those plates and forks. Everything costs something, right? Fees can range from 50 cents to three bucks a slice. Consider serving cupcakes instead -- they're all the rage, and no plate is required.
**Did You Know?
A great tip for saving money on your cake is to get a smaller version of the wedding showpiece cake and get a sheet cake version to serve to guests. This can be a huge savings for a big wedding, and if you have it plated in back, guests will never know the difference.
1. Venue's FeesEven the great outdoors aren't free of charge
It's important to read the fine print of any venue contract before setting your heart on that location. There are many additional fees associated with almost any venue, from overtime to cleaning charges, and some of these may make or break the deal. For example, that reception hall may require dripless candles that you have to purchase from them -- at $5 a pop. Or their lovely white chairs -- at $10 apiece. Some even have contracts with caterers that lock you into their menu and service options. So be sure to ask before mentally committing.

This information courtesy of http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/weddings/10-unexpected-wedding-expenses.htm

 10 Hidden biggest wedding expenses Part 2
 It's all those pricey extras that slide in under the radar. We've asked the experts to clue us in on their insider secrets for avoiding those little-known financial pitfalls and sticking to your wedding budget.

1. Wedding Band Equipment

Why it's hidden The cost of the wedding band includes fees for the musicians' time and the minimum amount of equipment needed. If your reception space is extra-large, then additional speakers and microphones could possibly be required to project the best sound quality.
The cost Anywhere from several hundred to several thousand dollars
How to avoid it Before booking your wedding band or DJ, you need to clearly explain the layout of the space (or have them check it out, if they're willing) so the vendors know exactly what they're working with. If they want to add in extra equipment, you should have them explain why it's necessary before you sign a contract or agree to pay for anything else. 
2. Postage Stamps
Why it's hidden Stationers don't advertise the shipping costs; if they did, you might decide to go with simpler (read: cheaper) invites.
The cost Oversized, awkwardly shaped and bulky invitations will most often run you as much as $2 each to mail.
How to avoid it Skip the fancy boxed invitations and multilayer cards, which can bulk up quickly and cost a lot more than you bargained for. 
3. Wedding Dress Alterations and Steaming
Why it's hidden Most stores don't include alterations (or steaming!) in the price of the wedding dress, and they're not doing it for free -- it can take up to three hours just to alter the bustier!
The cost A simple hem can be less than $100, but completely rebuilding a bodice or moving zippers can send the price upward of $500.
How to avoid it Ask about what the store charges for every alteration you may need before you purchase the gown.
4. Overtime CostsWhy it's hidden Your band, DJ, wedding photographer and videographer are booked for just a certain amount of time, so if your wedding runs a little longer than you expected, they'll charge per hour.
The cost Starting at $250 per hour
How to avoid it Factor in additional time for getting dressed and taking photos; that way, you can book your vendors for a more realistic timeline. Get overtime costs in writing (they shouldn't be more than 50 percent more per hour than the regular rate) so you'll know what to expect if you decide to keep the party going.
5. Welcome-Bag Delivery
Why it's hidden Most hotels don't factor in a welcome-bag delivery fee when you block rooms. And they may fail to mention the rate unless you ask -- they'll just add it to your final bill. Inquire within; they may even charge you a fee for holding the welcome bags if you drop them off before the guests arrive!
The cost Up to $7 per bag
How to avoid it During the booking process, ask about the hotel's policy on receiving and delivering welcome bags to guests' rooms. It may be free or cheaper if they hand the bags out at the counter as guests check in. If you don't want the extra charge, you can distribute them at the rehearsal dinner. 
6. Rental Equipment Transport
Why it's hidden You'd assume that the rental companies would include these extra fees in the per-item costs (do they honestly think you're going to fit 150 chiavari chairs in your own car?), but surprisingly, they don't.
The cost From $50 up to more than $500
How to avoid it Ask the rental company what their shipping and packaging fees are up front -- if the cost is too high for your budget, shop around a bit. You just might find that you'll actually save some money by renting items from a more expensive company that includes delivery costs at no extra charge. 
7. Taxes and GratuitiesWhy it's hidden Even though these aren't exactly hidden -- we all know that there are taxes on almost everything -- most couples don't think about how much they'll end up owing during the planning process.
The cost This will depend on the total amount of money you're spending as well as the location of the event (taxes vary in different areas).
How to avoid it There's no getting around paying taxes, but paying the entire bill in one lump sum can help lower the overall price. A safe bet: Tack on an extra third of your total costs to your budget for tips and taxes.
8. Cake-Cutting and Corkage Fees
Why it's hidden If you use the cake or booze provided by your reception site, the charge is typically wrapped into the cost. Going with an outside baker or vino can raise the price. Why? Because your venue's workers are responsible for slicing and serving each piece, then cleaning the dishes. This means more work for their staff!
The cost From $2 to $5 per guest for the cake; from $1.50 to $3 for every bottle the venue opens
How to avoid it Calculate the cake-cutting and corkage fees before you decide to go with an outside source for either.
9. Cleanup and Breakdown Costs
Why it's hidden Many brides spend so much time planning the actual day that they forget to budget for what happens when it's all over.
The cost While a full-service venue won't charge for these things, if you're paying a flat fee to rent the space only, anticipate fees for garbage removal (up to $250), freight elevator use (up to $150) and cleaning (up to $500). And even most full-service venues require same-day setup and cleanup. So if you're getting married on a weekend, expect to pay time and a half for labor, and if your party goes into the wee hours of the morning, you may face extra charges for late-night pickup and cleanup.
How to avoid it Read your contract carefully -- the setup and breakdown costs should be included in the labor charge.
10. Non-Approved VendorsWhy it's hidden Some venues require you to use caterers or florists from their preferred vendor list -- and tack on a fee if you don't.
The cost Usually an extra 20 percent or more
How to avoid it Stick to the list, or choose a venue without one.

This information is from this website: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-budget/articles/10-hidden-wedding-costs.aspx

 10 Hidden wedding expenses Part 3

Wedding night accommodations
You deserve to feel like royalty on your wedding night, so set aside part of the budget for luxe accommodation. How much? $250+, depending on your location. Cost-cutting idea: Ask if your venue will provide complimentary use of the bridal suite.

Night before wedding accommodations for wedding party INCLUDING THE GUYS!
They're not ALL going to stay at your house, are they? And get ready on top of it?
You'd need at least 2 rooms for the girls and two rooms for the guys.
Cost-cutting idea: maybe your wedding planner can get a block of rooms for you, with the bridesmaids' room(s) close to yours.

Dress alterations

Dresses rarely fit perfectly, so budget for alterations. How much? From $100-250+. Cost-cutting idea: You could tell your girls you’ll pay for their dresses if they cover the alteration costs.

Setting-up costs

Most florists will have a delivery and set-up charge, which may not be included in their quote. How much? From $50 local delivery. Cost-cutting idea: Ask your ushers to move your ceremony flowers to the reception to save money.

Thank you cards

Buying bespoke thank you cards to match your invitations can add to your stationery bill. How much? $4+ per card. Cost-cutting idea: Get your photographer to take a picture of you and your hubby holding up a thank you sign, then have your own cards printed online from $1.00.

Supplier meals

Professionals like your photographer and videographer are likely to require a meal on your wedding day. How much? From $50+ per head. Cost-cutting idea: Feeding suppliers as well as the wedding guests can be expensive. Ask your venue if they have cheaper options for suppliers.

Church/ceremony site fees

For religious ceremonies, remember to budget for church fees/ceremony site fees.  Cost-cutting ideas: The organist, choir and bell ringers may cost extra. Before you book, find out how much each addition costs and then decide, as a couple, how important they are to you for your special day.

Wedding insurance

Far from being an optional extra, wedding insurance is essential in case something goes wrong on your big day. It’s the most important thing you’ll buy for the day (yes, even more important than the dress!). How much? The average policy costs $75 but can be as low as 450. Cost-cutting idea: Use an insurance comparison site to compare policies and prices.

County license fees

$50 and up

Handmade maps

Printed maps and information sheets may be helpful for your guests, but paper and ink can add to your budget. How much? Ink cartridges vary from $20-40. Cost-cutting idea: Use black ink, it’s cheaper than printing in colour and distribute information by email.

Even thought my daughter postponed the wedding, she bought the dress she loved.

and it looked FABULOUS on her! (as you can tell)
Even though she said she wasn't 'into' veils nor 'trains', this dress ethereally HAS a nice train and she's going with a small simple veil down the back.

This was the first time she tried on her dream dress...


The dream dress, first try on.

 



And the last try on and day of purchase on Saturday June 29 2013..

 It was a nice price, too. Under a grand, which was a great thing.

Hey, she could make a gunnysack look great!

 



The one on the right was PERSONALLY my fave, but oh well, I'M not the one wearing it!

CUTE IDEA: What I did to give her an idea of what she liked with her in the dress (to save time trying them on), I went to the David's Bridal website, got her 4 choices, isolated a really good headshot of her then photoshopped it onto the dresses and sent her those pictures. She had a REALLY GOOD idea of what she wanted in a dress! Here are two examples:

She also tried on other dresses.

   

NOTE TO WOULD-BE BRIDES WHO GO AND TRY STUFF ON!!!

DO YOUR HAIR KINDA NICELY OR AT LEAST WASH IT!

\

A few things she commented on ALSO were that David's Bridal in her town was, in her opinion, dirty. Her feet were filthy by the time she was done.

Another thing was that it was HOT in there; she got so hot and yucky feeling from taking off the dresses, putting on dresses, that I think she's lucky to find her dream dress so FAST, before she passed out! So remember ladies, take WATER and a hand held FAN!!!

 

 

 

Documentation (from the Mother of the Bride's Eye View) of the wedding process.

This will be a blog to document all the research, facts, and 2nd, 3rd and 4th guessing about helping my daughter with her wedding, ETA March 29 2014.

I am starting this blog on June 29, 2013, just after my daughter announced to me that she was changing her wedding date from November 9th to March of next year. This was a good thing because I DON'T see how we all could come up with $10,000+ for this wedding!
My whole point of this blog is to document for others what I (and she) went through, plus the Groom, plus other family members, and to also leave a written documentation of the circumstances leading up to my death, my arrest, or my 5150.
I got into thinking more and more about this wedding ever since watching 'Bridezillas' on WETV. I watched this show, jaw open, incredulous, like how we all slow down on the freeway to see an accident.

You'd call her a 'Bridezilla Lite', because while she shows some DEFINITE signs of the "Bridezillicus Dominatus Male Conspersamus" creature, she will come down to earth and allow help if it's gently given, without going into a freaking screaming snit. I hope.

A LITTLE ABOUT ME:
I'm anal. WILDLY. That makes me a Momzilla Lite for this particular event. I've researched and taken quizzes i.e. "Are You A Momzilla?" and I have to say that yes, even though I am the not-quite-prehistoric-but-close to it creature called "Momzillaral Bruticus Non Gravis".

I HAVE to be that way for self-and-mental preservation, because I HATE SURPRISES, so if I'm aware of what COULD surprise me (aka, what could go wrong), I won't get surprised, or at least not as much.
Savvy?

Another benefit to being anal is that against all odds, when you come up with something from your magic hat or bottomless purse (like Mary Poppins) that someone needs desperately and you CONSTANTLY do it, you get the warm fuzzy feeling of being needed and respected.
It's not just about stuff, it's about knowledge, knowing where to find information and again, being known for it.

NOW...ahem...regarding my special talents and THIS wedding...

To avoid you thinking that I'm so altruistic and just selflessly thinking of others all the time, I assure you I'm not totally 100% altruistic. NOBODY is; there's always some sort of benefit or reason for the WIIFM* thought.
The first think** I thought of was getting myself the mother of the bride dress.
I bought one from shopgoodwill.com for $45. I thought it was great, light, flowery, you know, NICE.
I showed it to my daughter, my sister and my hubs. They all did the actual and body language of 'pee-yew'!
I didn't KNOW the MOB (mother of the bride) and the MOG (mother of the groom) had to KIND OF match the wedding color theme.
<sigh>
That word above you'll see a lot of in the coming posts.

My 'Survival Kit For The MOB' (travel pack and stay at home pack) consists of

• My iPhone and its charger
• Bookmarks on my PC at home and on the iPhone browser for a TON of wedding websites
• A LOT of 'To-Do' and 'How-To-Do' lists, carefully kept on Excel spreadsheets or Word docs in my phone
• A small notepad for the car when I think of things
• A larger pad to carry around
• A shitpot full of pencils in my car
• Another shitpot full of pencils in my purse
• Ibuprofen 800 mg tabs
• Small bottle of Xanax
• Kleenex box for the car and small package for my purse
• Baileys, ice and a small large glass

I'll probably think of more things, but those are the biggies.

STARTING TO RESEARCH AND FIND OUT WHAT THIS WEDDING SHIT IS ALL ABOUT

I TOLD her to go to Vegas. I told her. But NOOOOO, she wants a WEDDING, with all the white frills and stuff. Ok, whatEVER. As long as I don't have to pay for most of it.
Here's where the anality that I have shows...when she decided to get married (when he asked her), I went into high research gear and got together prices of the stuff that'll be needed. I very quickly got to $12,000 and RISING.
Now, with ANY event, you're going to forget some stuff, aren't you? Of COURSE! So my main 'bent' on research has been

• Costs
• Little things that can be forgotten but that will cost money when you remember them, like the guy who officiates at the ceremony for you ($200), the music when you walk up and walk down ($300), where people will milling around before, during, after the wedding, the weather, will the wedding party die of hunger before they get to the ceremony venue (snacks and drinks $150 for 14 people aka the wedding party), will they drink themselves into a bunch of blithering foul mouthed but formally dressed trash? I'M NOT just talking about the groom and the groomsmen, either!;
• 'What Could Go Wrong' articles for weddings
• Costs
• If we get a wedding planner/coordinator, what will they do and be responsible for that will avoid misunderstandings?
• How to gently inform my daughter that there are a lot of things that COST
• Planning the wedding and all the other shit.

Those generic wedding checklists and stuff to me are a little too vague to do much good, because if you DON'T understand what they think you should do, then you ain't-a gonna do it, right?

One thing I will say that if you can afford it, GET A WEDDING COORDINATOR! Here's a pretty snappy little guide I found online:
http://www.herecomestheguide.com/images/main/QAWeddingPlanner.pdf
The icing on the wedding cake (pun intended) was that IF my daughter DIDN'T have a coordinator, you know who would end up doing all the grunt work and troubleshooting and trying to fix things?
The Maid Of Honor who, if the wedding INDEED will come off as planned in March of 2014, will have a 6 month old baby of her OWN!

I think the primary reason I say get a coordinator is because I searched online for what's the worst that can happen at a wedding. Got a LOT of ideas, and made me decide to get my daughter a wedding coordinator.
It's worth it not only because she's a stay at home mom with a 6 month old baby, but because it'll also be cheaper than therapy...for BOTH of us, PLUS the groom.
Hey, it's ain't tax deductible on the 1040 Schedule A Medical, but it'll do.

For those of you on the go all the time, I found an article about the 10 best wedding apps:
http://www.techradar.com/us/news/world-of-tech/10-best-wedding-planning-apps-1142168'

One of them of course is Pinterest. You can get some WONDERFUL ideas from this website!

A great survival list for the bride or whomever for the wedding day is
http://rebeccanicolandos.com/creating-the-ultimate-bridal-survival-kit-preparing-for-things-that-could-go-wrong-on-your-wedding-day/
I notice that a few photographers put these items on their websites.

This one from Glamour was my fave:
http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2010/07/wedding-warning-something-will.html

On one Bridezilla episode, I saw the bride to be putting her bridesmaids on the line by not telling them who was going to be the maid of honor. The two that came down to the wire were the bride's friend form 10 years but who had just had twins and so couldn't help with ANYTHING, and an other bridesmaid who she'd known for only 7 years but who did all the grunt work and was right there by the bride's side.
Just RIGHT before the wedding, on the day OF the wedding, she made her bridesmaids say why each one of them should be maid of honor!
I think that if the hard working one, who was right there at the bride's side through all of it, should've been made the MOH right away, and so would have helped the bride with a cheerful outlook, vs. a "Ok, I'll do what you want but I won't think outside the box" mentality. By thinking outside the box, the MOH COULD'VE warned the bride about...
Unfortunately, with the bride wanting to do everything, she forgot one little thing for the reception...
FOOD.

One thing I'm not going to touch is the guest list, because since our daughter is out of state, there are only MAYBE 25 people coming to from her side of her wedding and quite a few of THEM are in the wedding party!
The problem is the GROOM'S side of the family.
This COULD seque*** into a nice chat about the MOG and how she's trying to bribe the groom into having the wedding someplace closer to all the relatives, guilt trip him via certain familial references aka great grandma's heart won't take driving 1 1/2 hours to the wedding city... but I'm not...YET.

OK, cute thing I sent my daughter today that I found online...

This checklist is here so that you know you're not alone. The bride that doesn't go through at least half of this stuff is the "weirdo". Print this list, tack it up in your room somewhere and see if you can be the "all time champ" and check off every single item. Whatever you don't see here, add it to your list, and don't forget to send it to us. Also keep it in a safe place to hand down to your daughter.
		He didn't get down on one knee.
		He just handed me the box without putting the ring on my finger.
		The damn ring didn't fit.
		He's given me the ring, but can't commit to a wedding day.
		I've got the ring and I hate it, but I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I'll just grin and bare it, all the while I'm hoping to get mugged. "Oh, Honey, look he took my beautiful ring."
		Why don't we argue about: a traditional wedding, a victorian wedding, a modern wedding or why not throw our nationality into the mix.
		The two of us want a small wedding. Our parents want to invite every single person they've ever met.
		We go along with the bigger wedding. We're not happy about it, but get a grip who ever said it was our day anyway. Time to look for a quaint location. OH NO, "No child of mine is going to get married in a place like this. We're going to get you the best hall the city has to offer".
		Someone do me a favour, pull my mother-in-law to be out of my ass!
		We're both of a different faith. I don't care about this but both sets of parents want the ceremony in their own faith.
		I want to get married in a church but I don't attend regularly, so I keep getting turned down. I'm starting to get the "elope" feeling.
		The church is coming up with a list of rules and regulations a mile long. Can't do this, can't do that. That'll cost you extra.
		Then to top it all off we've got those wedding classes to attend.
		Look on the bright side, so far I haven't had anything to do.
		As it is right now our parents have managed to spend anywhere between $6,000 to $10,000.
		You still have to pay for a: florist, DJ, limo, invitations, hair, make-up, favours, photography, videography, decorations and wedding attire. Gifts for each other, your wedding party and your parents. Don't forget the little extras and our future. I know I'm really thinking about eloping now. Just chill, follow the Frugal Bride planners and checklists and they'll walk me through it nicey, nice.
		Get my nerves in check because here comes the shower I didn't want. So make sure I register, that way when I open my gifts I'll know that at least I like them.
		Ah! The dreaded seating plan. Many tears have been shed over this one.
		Where to seat divorced parents and feuding relatives.
		Then there's that uncle that breaks out into song after a couple of drinks. Geez, what will the in-laws think.
		My credit card is maxed and there's still so much to do.
		Someone in my bridal party went and got herself pregnant. The nerve of some people.
		It's 2 weeks before the wedding and my dress isn't ready yet. Oh! God when will this all end.
		I'm not putting one cent into that rehearsal dinner, that's his responsibility. "What do you mean you don't have any money left either. Well ask your parents for it, they're the ones who wanted the big fancy hall."
		Okay, that's it, someone definitely has to pull my mother-in-law to be out of my ass AGAIN! Gonna commit murder!!!!!!
		I didn't realize we needed a permit to take a couple of lousy pictures.
		"If that photographer tells me to tilt my head one more time, I'm gonna kill him."
		"Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
		I checked in with the reception site to confirm the final tally of guests and because I didn't read the small print, now they tell me that the price of our menu has gone up because of some hurricane in Florida six months ago.
Believe us, when we say, we could go on, but we want to leave something to your imagination.
		This one will get you the "Grand Prize". You wake up the morning of the wedding, walk over to the mirror and take a final look at the single you. You give yourself a little smile. You're so happy and proud of all the work you've put into this day. You're relieved to know that if you and your fiance can live through the wedding planning, you can live through anything. This is going to be THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. You stroll to the bathroom with your head held high and close the door. OH SHIT!!! I got my period!!!!!!!!!

And of course there's MORE TO COME, so STAY TUNED TO MZL-TV!!!


*What's In It For Me
**I meant to write that way
***YES, it's spelled correctly